I have been missing for a while, partly because I felt that I had nothing new to say, and that the more time passes, the more I feel the need for a “comeback” for a smashingly dashing piece that will show the two people who read this blog that I still got it.
However, for all the stress and frustration, all I can think about is this study which tells us poor ladies that men hate our wedges, or find them less attractive than sneakers, crocs, Uggs, and flip-flops. I can’t get over the wedge haters. I love wedges, and I always have. The ones I buy give me height without ankle twisting and allow me to get around without actually doing the “funky swollen feet” dance.
I mean, who are these men? How do they know what wedges are even? I could understand if we were talking about stilettos or those patent leather mannish thingies, or the square heel “party secretary style” clunkies I had to wear in 6th grade. (My mom said that they were waterproof, but i think they were also fire-proof devil tools invented to torment my poor feet and drive my non-existing popularity into new negative levels)
But wedges? Can it be that men associate them with wedgies and painful childhood memories? Can it be that men are secretly fashionistas who pour hours after hours over glossies, and obsess over beer with their buddies about such things as women wear in their feet? Can they hate them because they can’t lick them, (don’t pretend you don’t know what I am talking about) or even take them for a spin?
Who are the men surveyed? Did they do this just to humor their girlfriends, wives or sisters, or try to get into the cute surveyor’s panties? Did they just pick up the first picture they were shown in order to escape and reaffirm their masculinity over communal groin scratches and belching al cappella? Did their first love break their poor delicate hearts, by walking all over them with their dainty espadrilles and cork heels?
Or were the surveyed “in the business”, the only men who actually know what wedges are, but unfortunately have unsold stilettos and crocs clogging their storage areas? I think it is very plausible that Jimmy Choo had a very secret convention with Manolo Blahnik and made the pact to drive wedges underground and bury them ten feet under?
I don’t know. The only thing I see is that in addition to feeling guilty about careers, short hair, sour dough bagels, having children at a later age, sleeping with men before marriage, faithfulness requests, skipping workouts, not shaving stubble everyday, granny panties, actually demanding a choice about what to do with their bodies, now we have to worry about wedges.
So ladies, should we give in to the demand and banish wedges from our closets together with curly hair, size 12 and over clothes, and any sensible underwear that does not come from Victoria’s Secret? The jury is still out.