Relatives

I don’t know why some married people have this morbid fascination with a single person’s love life. I am not talking about nearest and dearest friends and cousins who truly love me and want to see me happy (or hope for perfect family photos, double dates, and/or a second driver in the family).
I am talking about relatives I only see in wedding and funerals, those that i know i am related to but not how or why.
This particular relative keeps asking me in a meaningful way if i have someone. She wants to penetrate my noncommittal smiles and evasive remarks. She probably has another “perfect” candidate to spring at me, or is ready to lord it over my stupidity for passing on the last one she proposed.
“Come on,” she says, “you truly have no boyfriends?”
Desperate to escape ( and a pox to my parents who told me that ONE IS NEVER RUDE to cousins, no matter how intrusive or inappropriate they are to one) i manage to murmur: “Can’t comment in front of mom now, can I?”
“Why not,” she persists, “Isn’t your mom your best friend?”
I can hear my mom holding her breath in the background. So I have two choices here: 1) I can present my mom as the evil Witch who guards my virginity with her life; 2) i can tell my cousin to stuff it.
However I am more astounded by the idea that my mom can indeed be my best friend. My first thought is: “b-b-but why? She is mom, she is superwoman, why be my best friend too?” There is no question about the love and respect we share. She gave me life. But why be my best friend? Can moms be a best friend? I don’t want to hang out in pubs and braid hair with my mom. And I don’t want her to know every detail of my singlehood.
By the time i murmur sth, my relative has moved on to bigger and better gossip. My mom is visibly relieved though. She does not want to be my best friend either. She already has my dad.
And I am safe until the next funeral or wedding, whatever comes first.

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