Yep, You’re paying for this

Let me tell you something about picking up the check on a first date you metrosexual/confused person in undetermined thirties who still think you have a chance at pawing and do not see the horror in your date’s eyes as you share your sashimi piece in two!

Pick up the check and don’t let me pay. Not even if I am waving my Visa card at the waiter or showing crumpled dollar bills at you. Not even if we just came from a feminist rally where I burned off my bra and I am sporting forest legs (although I suspect you would hardly have asked me out then). Not even if you have left your wallet at home and must wash dishes all night to pay for the miso soup and sake.

There is absolutely nothing that justifies a man letting a woman paying, or (horror of horrors) expecting her to share on a first date. No matter what forward thinking articles tell you (written by nerds with hemp sandals who have absolutely no idea how to get a woman) don’t make that mistake.

I am assuming you are a nice enough gentleman who has something to offer to society and wants a woman who can take care of herself and you. I am also assuming that you either find the gigolo life uninteresting or are not cute enough to live off rich and busy women who have no time to find a true man. So stop expecting me to pay for the date.

It shows that you are not really invested. It shows that you are still immature enough to let mama take care of the icky details for you. It kind of lowers your hotness level a couple of notches (assuming you have one). It makes you McDreary instead of McDreamy. And since neither of us is fifteen and living off daddy (as far as I know), you should man up and pay for dinner. You can let me leave the tip if you like. I might not like being referred to as “little lady” or “babe” but I certainly adore being treated as a hot young thing worthy of attention and effort.

Listen up because what I am telling you is not my wisdom, or an innovation or anything of the sort. It is a rule. I actually always try to pay at least my share in any date I have ever been in, but i find that your value falls in my eyes. And when I do share my date policy with my girlfriends they look at me in horror, shake their heads and proceed to tell me that I have got it completely wrong. Being that they are the ones in happy and fulfilling relationships, I am starting to convert.

Apparently, the fact that you do not have to work very hard to get me, turns you off. If you don’t feel the pain, if you do not see that hole in your wallet, if you cannot attach a price to me, you do not see me as valuable. It is a fact that mutually jiving relationships happen only in the movies. The rest of us shlubbs have to adhere to the rules and play the games we pretend we don’t like but which give us fever from the restaurant doorstep to the church doorstep.

Thinking about it, it kind of makes sense too. I mean, I spent at least an hour and a half preparing for a date with an uncertain outcome with a practical stranger which I will probable won’t like. And these heels I am wearing (just for you my unknown factor) are painful but you will not know it by looking at me. You are already enjoying the results. Aren’t I worth a measly dinner?

So yep! You are paying for this. And I ain’t sleeping with you either.

2 thoughts on “Yep, You’re paying for this

  1. You shouldn’t get drunk on a friday night and resort to blogging for your little rants (protip: a lonely boyfriend will listen to that, but thereafter you’d better prepare your anus for him lol) because it shows that little (giant?) pathetic side everyone has.

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