attempt on my life

i feel so violated. the sanctity and privacy of my home have been breached. i will never look upon the world with trust again. there is conspiracy afoot. I do not know how far or deep it extends but i do know that it exist and it is tightening its grip around me. i can feel the claws and the chitter chatter condemning me to death.

it might have started when i righteously fought over the food in my hand. i had to stand up for myself didn’t I? it maybe took those bullies by surprise when i didn’t give up my food. they were not expecting it. i am pretty sure that is what put me on their radar, and i have been watched by their beady eyes ever since. they were quiet, innocuous even cute but i could see past their exterior.

new fact emerging after the home attack make my theory disturbingly real. they have befriended my gullible father who more than once found them hanging by the window mosquito nets and never shoed them away. he even shared his food with them and talked to them and was nice to them. even more than with his own daughter. but what to do, that is my dad, always nice to strangers.

they must have planned their attack for months. my mom found one hanging by the curtain last night and since my dad refused to believe the worst of his new friends, was left to chase him alone out of the house. then she woke up today to find another one on top of the table. one thing they did not count on, was me spending the night out. 

however, when i got home today, mom was on full duty with the vacuum cleaner, broom and bug spray. she had ripped out the sofa covers and throws like a mad amazon and was brandishing her broom at every innocent plush toy in the house. everything ended up in the washer and it wasn’t until we upped the sofa and shook it a second time, that the second culprit finally sprinted down the stairs and out of the door, where it paced back and forth like it was not afraid of nothing. that malicious critter.

but i refuse to be intimidated and i will continue to sell my squirrel sausage idea to either McDonalds or Burger King or whoever can pony up the cash. i am brave and strong and i shall overcome.

(but just so you know, if i ever end up strung high on top of the trees wearing just fur and tar, you know who did it. the squirrel mafia. )


2 thoughts on “attempt on my life

  1. That was just a warning. Try it again, I’ll be kicking your furry, brown bahookie!

    This is McSquizzy’s turf. Nobody messes with McSquizzy, coz that’s me! Mess not with the furrytail clan. Defenders of the good, crusaders of the righteous, guardians of the pine.

    Ged off my trees ya buck-toothed sporran! I’m not going to be your next squirrel sausage! 😀

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