Michelle clearly does not want to elaborate, but I am not budging. Besides, I am intrigued by her hesitation. She finally gives in and starts talking.
– Well- She says. – I met Pablo last year, through a friend. Can I have another one please?
She is clearly stalling but I let her have this little extra time. My patience is soon rewarded by the timid sound of her girlish voice.
– He told me he was looking for a good girl to start a family with. He was so handsome, and so attentive. I mean nobody ever listened to me like that before. And he helped me with my laundry, he picked me up from work, he paid when we went out, he complemented me and he did not care that I was fat.
I raise an eyebrow at this and she giggles, flipping her hair and making her full breasts jiggle. All of a sudden, the bartender starts cleaning the counter in front of us. She takes out her cell phone and shows me.
-I used to be much bigger before. I wasn’t huge or anything like that, but I was totally out of shape. And it was so hard to find someone decent, looking like I did…Some people were unkind even.
Preach to the choir sister. I could tell her stories.
-But Pablo, Pablo never did anything to imply he cared about how I looked. And he never pressured me for sex. He kissed me, hugged me, but he never pushed things beyond what I wanted to do. I never saw much of a point in sex anyway. I told him from the beginning that I sort of sucked at it. It did not matter to him.
-Really?- says the bartender, catching us both by surprise.
-Don’t you have some drink to shake or stir or whatever you do? – I ask. He throws me a murderous look and moves away but not so far off as to not be able to listen here and there. Hmm.
-He said he would teach me to enjoy it. I could hardly wait for our first time together. Before, it had all been so…mechanical. I mean push here, paw there, lick two inches below, ooh aah, ow ow, flap around a bit and boom, it was all over. I could never understand what the big hoopla was all about. I thought maybe it was because I was fat, or inexperienced, or simply lacking the right equipment. I figured good sex was a myth of people who wanted to sell porn and cheesy novels.
-Some of those novels are worse than porn, I tell you that much – the bartender chimes in again. What is with this guy? I wave him away but Michelle starts to speak again and he does not move. Well, if she does not care, neither do I.
-So then, we sleep together. And Pablo was attentive, caring, romantic, patient, sexy. Only… -and she stops.
-Only? – I prompt her, not waiting for the obnoxious bartender hanging onto her every word.
-Only he… couldn’t…you know, do it.
-He could not get it up! – Michelle snaps. – So he finished me by hand and we spent the rest of the night talking in each-other’s arms. Still, it was my best night ever. Isn’t it pathetic? I fell deeper for him, because he was that much more human. I mean he had finally shown a flaw.
-I totally get that. – The bartender says – I mean once my boyfriend…
We look at him and he shuts up. But I totally get it too.
-So then we tried again, and again and nothing. I mean it did not go stiff once. We’d kiss, we’d make out, we’d sleep in each-other’s arms but nothing. I thought it was my fault. I tried dressing sexier, I lost weight, I watched more porn to learn how to do stuff, we tried watching it together, but it did not help. Not even a stir. And then I asked him to get a Viagra prescription, but he refused to go to the doctor for a checkup.
-Maybe Pablo was batting for his team. – I say, pointing to the shameless bartender.
-Well, I thought about that too. I once rented some gay porn “by mistake” and I left some gay magazines around the house, but it only made him angry. By this time, everything was cracking at the seams anyway. But I tried, I really did.
-You could have tried putting your finger up…-The helpful bartender says but she shakes her head. I shush him.
– I tried that too. It just did not work. Nothing did. Finally I suggested we go to the doctor but he flat out refused. And I… I did not know how to approach it anymore. I felt embarrassed because I was so frustrated. And I loved him. So one night we started fighting and he finally admitted he’d always been impotent. He’d never really…
-Wow! Never, ever…Really?! I say.
-Supposedly he’d had a girlfriend some years back and he was able to…perform with her. But he couldn’t ever since. And he’d never gone to the doctor because he was embarrassed. How asinine is that? Why are guys such idiots anyway?
We do not know how to answer. They just are.
-So I dragged him with me to the doctor. He finally got a complete workout, and the doctor said that Viagra would help. They could not really find a reason why he was the way he was for so long. The doctor also suggested some type of therapy and he started to do that too.
-So, did it work? The Viagra?
-I do not know! Michelle says, frustrated – Three months ago, I found him flirting online with this girl we both met at some stupid party about a month before. I did not worry at the time because, well, you know, he could not do anything. In retrospect, I should have seen the signs. I mean she told both of us she was not that great at sex. We’d all drunk a bit and the naughty talk was flowing freely. Everybody was sharing their experiences…In vino veritas, as they say
She stops and gulps the unasked refill the bartender has placed in front of her. All three of us are locked in this little universe created by Michelle’s strange story. Around us ICILICIOUS is bustling with life and alcohol, but we don’t pay any attention.
-Then what happened? – I ask.
-He was putting off taking Viagra and sleeping with me. He said the doctor told him to put off it for the moment until more test results came back. I don’t know, he had so many excuses. And I believed them all. I was frustrated so I started a fight again and we weren’t talking for a while. Usually he gave in first, but this time he did not. He would not take my calls or see me at all. Two weeks ago I found out he was engaged to this girl. I have been a wreck ever since. Yesterday, I found out she was pregnant so I contacted you. Now, will you smite him?
I do not know. Maybe I should just make his Viagra prescriptions disappear.