why albanians make perfect villains

well, guess who the new villains of films are?!!! we are, we are, we are.

now that even the rats have been transformed into lovely intelligent creatures (check out Ratatouille), films need new villains. and albanians are more than ready to step up to the plate.

reasons to use albanians as villains in movies:

1. location, location location. no one knows where this country is, not even albanians themselves. the boundaries change all the time, bits and pieces fall off or come on occasionally. who’s going to care if the script writer adds on the kalahari desert or borders it with iraq?

2. historic and linguistic accuracy. Huh?

3. bad boys. now that the cold war is finished, mafia and yakuzza have been done to death, people are bored with terrorist rights violations, russians are our friends and  french have their own film directors, thank god for albanians and their antics. never mind that the country only has 3 million people, they all love guns and direct human trafficking rings in france.

4. appearance. we all know there is no badder appearance that an unwashed man in greasy curls, 5 o’clock shadow and smelly leather. and square jaws, sunken eyes and distinctly bumpy foreheads while he kidnaps nubile young americans. i swear, i have no idea where the rest of us comes from. and we are naturally short so that there is no need for elevating pieces in the main hero’s shoes.

5. skin color. guess what, we are white too, so there is no risk of accusing the directors of racism. (look they are trashing their own, they must not be bigoted at all!)

6. cheap labor. we are so eager to make it that we do not charge at all, we are just glad to have our names in the cast. besides there is so little information about us that greek, mexican, and antonio banderas can play us perfectly without proper training at all. and we cost less than french in french roles.

7. the dictator. we actually had a dictator for 50 years which makes us absolutely charmingly depressive, closed-minded, obsessive and masochistic. and he is so exotic so he gets into every movie that needs a weird element.

8. religion. we have three main ones. while the directors can’t touch catholicism and they use orthodox for exotic shots, they can safely use muslimanism for all their albanian villains. never mind that most albanian muslims are the white sheep of islam, because they like to drink alcohol and eat during ramadan. but then again, it’s the name that counts.

i only just opened the game, please feel free to add your own reasons.

p.s. for an albanian villain coming to a theater near you:

1. taken

2. my mom’s new boyfriend

3. inside man

4. the silences of lorna

25 thoughts on “why albanians make perfect villains

  1. bletezz, na shkatarrove fare me pershkrimin e argumentave. Pa komente nderkohe per fenomenin se ,uk e di nese eshte mire apo keq te flasin te pakten per mgjth keq!

  2. Ah ..my favorite quote in the movie is: “..they come from a place called Tropoja …these people are the scum of the scum!”

    We’re famous …we’re famous!! Wear it with pride!

  3. Bletezz this is a very risky post.many people would approach like “love it or hate it”.
    i sympathize with you at some points but at some others , i guess your humour has been a little too harsh to entertain..
    don’t know, maybe i’m just having a patriotical crisis;)

  4. Blete,

    Do fillosh te shkruash ne Shqip te lutem? Si mund ta vendos tek Peshku kete nqs ti e ke shkruar ne Anglisht? Po ta perkthej une ka per ti humbur gjysma e lezetit🙂

    Ll.

  5. nene tereza, nene tereza…
    packa se asnje shqiptar sot nuk ka as piken me te vogel te vetemohimit apo perkushtimit te saj..

  6. ke thumb fantastik, perktheje dhe jepi driten jeshile me e lexu shqiptaria… shembull jashtmase profesional sesi behet nje kritike permes nje ironie inteligjente. perktheji te gjitha pervec asaj: location, location, location- se i ka dhene nje kolorit fantastik sarkastik.
    love your style.

  7. Nuk e di nese eshte mire apo keq mirepo as francezet nuk paraqiten te mire derisa treadhteojne vendin e tyre per nje grusht para

  8. This is a slap to the face. We [Albanians] are being depicted as dirty: pimps, junkies and murderers. I am none of the above. I am a proud, hard working and educated Albanian-American. We should be ashamed of what we are depicted as in this film and other films. Where is the Albanian hero? Is this who we want to be? Scum? The outrage is absent and this is disappointing. People like Scanderbeg and mother terresa share our roots but when you hear the word “Albanian” you think of corrupt politicians, heroin, mafia, prostitution, thieves, scum! We need to set a better example.

  9. Booo! Albanians are great people with good hearts. This post is offensive and is not 100% true! They shouldn’t be judged because of their misfortune of having to live under communism for half of a decade. I would challenge anyone to live in a post-communist country with such a recent history of economic hardship and come out as good as most Albanians do. Beautiful country and wonderful people! Rroftë Shqipni sa malet!

  10. Bletez
    Te lumte per kete iniciative. Ne kete liste mund ta futesh edhe filmin : Pelham 123 dhe Dossia K…eshte shuem keq ky trend ku shqiptaret po stigmatizohen si terroriste dhe kjo eshte bere steriotip… duhet qe aktoret shqiptare ti refuzojne kto role dhe regjisoret shqiptare te prodhojne filma qe na perfaqsojne ashtu si jemi.

  11. Krimineli Marko eshte vertet shqiptar dhe eshte nga fshati Isniq i Deçanit, Kosove i Cili emigroi bashk em familje ne France ca vite me heret.

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