you call me, you want to talk to me, you want to date my friends, you want to listen to my problems, you want to drive me home, you never let me pay, you let me go first through the door, you want to go where I go, you laugh at my jokes, you ask to be included and taken care off, you are surprised when I tell you to think for yourself.
i know what a bitch i can be. i know that you see thorns when you least expect them and you do not understand. you have problems of your own. you do not deserve the tongue lashing. you do not need the pain. you just want a little friendship, a confidante, a little giggle and a dinner companion. a little warmth that you can enjoy without burning, a little light that will lead you through the dark and winding road.
you think you have given enough to deserve all this.
but see, i have not received anything back. in my math, your side always comes up a bit short, your smile always a bit crooked, your admiring glance always a bit calculating, your warmth always filtered. so my cup runneth empty. and i cannot understand, i cannot control it, but i want to cover that emptiness and crawl in my own corner and listen to its echo. by myself.
i am not in a very good place right now. i am finding out what it is to be an adult. i am understanding that myself is not mine to give so freely anymore. i have responsibilities i have to adhere to. and yes, they are just excuses, but they are true nevertheless.
you do not deserve my attitude. you deserve friendship. which is not in me anymore. so the choice is yours. i never had one.