I need a declaration

I need a declaration. I need a big ass, eardrum blower, earthquake, metal-quivering declaration. I am not one of those flirty flowers with saucer eyes and mile long lashes who understand the flicker of a man’s wrist or a twitch of the hair in his nostrils. I can read hands, it’s true, but I am stumped in front of a leaning man (or woman) soulfully gazing into my eyes and talking about this and that, and licking their lips, and flipping their hair, and gazing at me with a hint of a smile on their lips, and bumping my knee accidentally while refilling their drink, and lightly bantering and then proffessing true friendship and then nothing. I need follow-up, I need action.
Pardon me if I am not warmer, but I know how this one goes. I meat your sweet/nothing speaking self, then I leave with a softly wrapped impression, infused with blue birds and roses. I keep that impression alive while waiting, and planning innocent phone calls, accidental meetings, hangouts, cherry picking, beach parties, and feeding my poor body one night stands and cardboard chocholate. Then time goes, and it goes, and it does not stop, and it separates. Then, mucho time later, afer I have beaten myself up a thousand times and ended a ton of one week relationships, at an innocent cafe you confess that yes, you had feelings at the time but was not sure about me. And that yes, you still feel something. And I am in dire need of a whip and a victim. Because I lost such a long time dreaming of this moment, and it is finally too late. Because frankly, well, to tell you the truth, my feelings have also gone dry.
So here is the deal:
SPELL IT OUT, either way! Don’t let the pink elephant dance madly about, don’t try to salvage my ego, don’t give me the timid speech, don’t let me dangle about in the rain and down as many vodkas as I can lay my hands on, don’t use me to inflate your ego. If you like so much the sight of my doe eyes, hungrily absorbing every little gesture you make, at least pay me. I understand money. It is clear, it is finite, it is crispy. I can exchange it for pretty trinkets and yoga lessons. You, I can do nothing with.
What happened to pathetic declarations and threats to suicide? What happened to tons of flowers, and rides on white horses, or rain soaked banners held in front of my window? I know you can do it. You have done it for plenty of pretty morons who broke your heart to smitherens and made you what you are today. So keep the cynism to yourself and show me the big L guns.
And yet, you still hesitate.
Darling, I cannot understand half lipped smiles and mumbled words. I will not consider weekly phone calls that sound like sales account management, or meaningful looks that say absolutely nothing. It is too late, and I am too old to shiver at the sound of your voice enough to forget what you are really saying. Don’t come around in another ten years and wonder what happened to our wonderful relationship and why we never ended up together. Don’t save me for sixty, when you could have me at twenty, twenty five, thirty and yet again at thirty three. I’m pretty sure i’ll be enough of a witch then to eat much younger meat than your cialis seasoned one.
You can read my lips can’t you?
Well then, I need a declaration!


8 thoughts on “I need a declaration

  1. B,
    unë kam pritë një herë një vit e gjysëm për një gjysëm llafi. dhe gjatë gjithë kohës para thënies së gjysmës së llafit, djali mbronte sporadikisht tezën sipas së cilës gocat duhet ta bëjnë deklarejshënin. derisa një ditë të bukur gushti a korriku u lodh nga vapa dhe ndaloi së menduari gjëra anti-natyrë…
    morali i fabulës: prit të vijë gushti.:)

  2. Per gushtin e cilit vit e kishe fjalen ti akull?

    Bzzz, kete vit vapa s’merret vesh me cilin muaj i ka bere ujdite, keshtu qe ti mos u merzit se prituri 😛

  3. 🙂 lol
    As mos u lodh hic !
    Nuk ka per t’ardhe deklereisheni 🙂
    Boji vete deklereshenat edhe po doli gjo, mire, po s’doli move on 🙂
    Ti dashke mo shume deklareshenin sesa veten.
    Be practical !
    Po kam i cike frike se nuk e do tamam tamam as vete.
    Se po ta doje e kishe qit me shtize deklereshienin ti !
    Mos gjej sebepe kot tani 😛

  4. shif energizer bunny per pergjigje…
    po u lodha moj duke u perpjekur te marrvesh se c’duan te me thone…dhe tani i bie shkurt, o pankarten te skenderbeu, o seks me gjymtyret e veta…
    just kidding, e kam zemren e bute.

  5. bleta long time no read – une them deklaratat jane overrated, get from the man what he has to offer instead of asking for things he cannot offer you. car du te them eshte, ka dashuri edhe pa fjale.

    kalofshi bukur ju andej dhe te ****A mu ne MTA (te merr malli per te ne Tirane ndonjehere gjithsesi)

  6. Ndonjehere ka njeriu nevoje per nje “cut to the chase” . I mean, nxirre ate te shkrete llaf. 🙂 U lodhem duke gjetur gjeagjeza. S’ka mundesi te kete ca gjera te thjeshta per t’u kuptuar, qe s’te duhet kohe per te vrare mendjen??? Une jam per deklarejshenin, se keqkuptohem pastaj 🙂

  7. Mire e ka Moza, sa te presesh per keta te te bojne deklershejna, je plak. Kshu qe, do not waste time and just do it yourself, like me 😀
    The trick is in actually paying attention to those little things that you say you are oblivious to, e ndjen edhe vete mo e marrte e mira when someone likes you. Kur e shef qe se ka kurajon, boje zemren gur ene hudhu 😀

    Good luck!

    P.S. I absolutely love the way you write 🙂

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