today, we congregated. in the living room, in the kitchen, on top of the dish-washer and in the bathroom, the family gathered, discussed, fiercely protected or criticized, yelled, ate food, and found a way to work it out. yes we did.
the casualties were too few to mention, the smiles too rare to count, but they were still there. and it was good to share them with the others, to feel the family-ness cement all around us and in us. it gave us the feeling of invincibility, the warm puddle in the middle of the winter kind of thing, the thrive of moss in radioactive areas.
conflicts arose as they will arise again, but they were appeased as they will hopefully be appeased again. we overloaded but we did not blew up, we were easily embarrassed from each-other but we did not pull apart because of it. in the middle of pain that sharp words and askance glances caused, there was affection and care, and fuzzy slippers took the edge off stumbling and sharp shelf corners.
to my personal chagrin, i am learning to depend on my family, i am finding myself craving their closeness and their intrusive questions, even as i resent them. i like the morning salad, i like the home-made bread and above all, i like enfolding myself in the fluffy blanket of warmth that was woven tonight, even though it was not for me. i can’t help but feel blessed and even a bit dismayed at myself for not being able to fully give in to the bounty of goodness that is my family.
maybe one day i will find myself totally meshed with it. maybe there will not be an ounce of resentment as my father requires a word-for-word translation of “pre-approved” offers, or as my mother asks me to get change from a store. maybe i will finally be able to let go of my need to be nice to all the world and replace it with the need to be nice and forgiving to my family. maybe it will take another night like tonight, and another show of support from its newest additions.
but tonight we made it baby, yeah.