The man I want to kiss is sleeping at the other corner of the bed. The man I want to kiss is curled in a position far away from me. The man I want to kiss kisses me back without conviction. The man I want to kiss is handling me instead of making love to me.The man I want to kiss always holds part of his mouth back. The man I want to kiss is building walls faster than I can knock them down. The man I want to kiss is trying to get away.
My mouth is a trap instead of a refuge. My mouth is a devouring pit, not a piece of heaven. My mouth goes to unwanted places that do not want to wake up. My mouth is full, so that it cannot explore. My mouth is immobile, not moving with the flow. My mouth is untouched while being so wildly explored. My mouth is performing, while it is also left empty. My mouth is the only allowed ambassador to the man’s territory. My mouth is innocuous, swallowing the fire before belching it. My mouth is ravenous, choking on its own spit.
Can’t sate us with fear, can’t refill with my hands bound. Can’t move to a better place if immobilized like this. Can’t play your body if your body cringes from my touch. Can’t believe your words, if your words are not in tune with your body. Can’t give you what you want, if I am sabotaged by my own words. Can’t keep my promise, if you do not reconcile with what you want. Can’t satisfy, if not satisfied. Can’t insulate our souls inside cocoons of lust.
The man is strung in the other side of my world. The man is the judge and the punisher, but he refuses to punish. The man is denying me him, while offering me him. The man is not in me, the man cannot be in me, the man is afraid of me, the man is in lust with me, the man does not believe me, the man holds my hand, the man kisses my mouth, the man goes away when coming, the man and I are not one…