this week seems full of phone calls from people that want to know where have I been, why haven’t i returned any messages, did i get married in Albania, what was i doing on  TV with the Prime Minister, when are we going out for a coffee, how is my love life doing, did i get the new computer and etc, etc, etc.

it has gotten to the point that i dread the little icon with the tape recorder which appears on my phone screen anytime a thoughtful message is left on my voice mail. i do not know that maybe perhaps it has to do with the full moon or something, but i have been retelling my van drivers stories several times now, always taking more teeth of their mouths and putting there more obnoxious pickup lines. nobody believes that i did not get married or at least have a little nookie-pookie in Albania. well, now i did go to relax and have fun, but that is another story.

i can’t seem to have time for coffee, but i did have time for the Prime Minister! see, digital TV is a very evil thing. yes, i got the new computer, but that does not mean i got it so my friend could have another A semester in essays. frankly, knowing about psychology dissorder and veneral diseases does not attract me anymore.

and to top it off, i have two cell phones, personal and work related. people feel absolutely affronted if i flip both of them out at the same time, (mostly so that i will look up a number or use them for notepads). how dare i have two phones and give out only one number? the thought that i answer neither does not enter in their minds. surely, i have to answer one sooner or later.

there  is this lady who always starts to question where i have been and why i am not answering the phone even if we only spoke 5 minutes ago. and she is not my mother. what do i say to the concerned person in question?

there is the skillful tester of waters who always calls to find out how i feel, in order to see if she can ask me for one more essay, please, my life depends on it, if i do not well i am screwed and will not graduate in a thousand years. lady, please! i saw you through two semesters of college, what more do you want from me? but i do not say this out loud of course since she will undoubtly say: one more paper please!

yes, i am not happy with the cell phone. unfortunately it is glued to my ear more often than not. i just want to say that because i have one or two, there is no implied consent (to answer) law that comes with them. i reserve the right to look at the urgently blinking light of an incoming call, mute the annoying rings, and erase messages without listening to the end.

so mote it be.

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