Musings on self on a long Friday of a confused September

I have a God complex. This has been gently pointed out to me by a coworker who has the misfortune to go out with me on the field almost on a weekly basis. I looked surprised while she continued:

“You can’t apologize about everything under this Universe, because you are not its creator. Only God is.”

Apparently, I had said “sorry” one too many times and she was sick of hearing it. It was kind of strange, because I thought that saying “sorry” was a sign of humility and good will, even if the fault did not lie with me. And I wanted to show my good will and I wanted to show how humble I was to ask forgiveness of these people so below my own intelligence, who could not see what the big picture was and how a simple word could change so many things and attitudes…

Yep, I have a God complex. Instead of having a low opinion of self, I actually have a very high opinion of self and a very low opinion of surroundings which cannot appreciate properly a gem like me. after all I am the center of the world and I pity the fool who does not get it. (Thanks Mr. T)

It comes from being Albanian, when one is taught since early girlhood to ask forgiveness because sure one so young has to have done something wrong. Besides parents and elders are never wrong, so it is surely the child who is the culprit consciously or unconsciously. The apologetic magic word is stuck on anyone’s lips. We even start a counter argument or an insult by “I apologize for saying this, but I think you are wrong/your mother is a piggy from Momli”. Nobody knew up to now why we did this. Now it is clear. All Albanians have a God complex, we are just taught to curb the arrogance.

Sometimes, I actually feel proud of myself for being in a position to fool the other person into thinking that I am a spineless wimp. It will make destroying them that much sweeter. But then I can’t truly destroy anybody, can I? So back I go to asking for forgiveness from people I should be forgiving. Too Buddha for you? I thought so, you mosquito brain, burger eating, rug munching, illiterate bum. Ooo, I apologize, was I too harsh?

The other reason is the fact that English has two words, one asking for forgiveness “sorry” and one actually asking for further clarification or permission “excuse”, whereas Albanian has only one “me fal/ni”. In my mind, these two are always interlocked on a mad race from brain to tongue and I never know what will come our next, like “sorry me?” to the nigerian bag seller on 5th and 18th, or “I am so excused” to my boss while I was groveling for a raise.

I come back to my coworker with an explanation that leaves her glazed and dazed after a couple of minutes, even if my English is perfect and my accent tolerable.

“Oh,” I say “I am so sorry!”

“Yes” she answers “I know. Put your seatbelt on, God.

And off we go, God and doubting Peter navigating the streets of the Bronx

14 thoughts on “Musings on self on a long Friday of a confused September

  1. e dashur mos e vrit menjen shume por vazhdo te na paraqesesh traditat shqiptare ne çdo vend.te te them diçka: vetem ashtu mund te mbijetojme:)

  2. eni mbijetojme, duke paguar haracin: nuk arrijme te jetojme pa stresin e mbijeteses. Gjithe kjo vemendje per veteveten, gjithe ky perqendrim tek krahasimi me tjetrin e vertetimi permanent se tjetri eshte kaaaq poshte teje …. for what?

  3. hey po ti qenke adapt per te ardhur dhe jetuar ketu ne japan se keta apologize epr cdo gje.
    think twice you can find the paradise here … and it will never be late.
    on a second thought we can swap if you dont mind, all my takyo stalkers😉

    soon … in the moon

  4. “And of we go”,,, You meant to say “off,” blete, no?
    Shqipja ka edhe “me ndjeni” per te kerkuar falje.🙂

  5. Ok i fixed some mistakes. thx lost. (mountaneer, leave lost alone.)
    eni, sm, comparing is almost instinctive. i was just stricken by the difference in what i considered to be humility and one of the best traits of my character, and she considers a complex (almost a mental illness).
    clue rri se erdha! i always liked Japan, even before it turns out that there are Albos there. And I have a wonderful knack for getting read of stalkers.
    emigrant, stay proud like almonds on top of the croissant.

  6. Blete, you have a link in your list about “postings ii ervin hatibi” which does not open up. I’m curious as to what is it about and if there is anything updated about him, since I haven’t been able to reach him personally. Also, have you had any time to look over the translation I sent over at “work in progress?” I’d be interested to know your opinion, (or anybody else’s for that matter) since it looks to me you have far larger experience/talent in the matter.
    Thank you!

  7. I apologize for the malfunction and I’ll fix it tonight when I get home. Basically, I was just trying to post separately what you have put in postings, in order to focus more attention to it. Give it a little time.

  8. I don’t think you’re alone when it comes to this. Few years ago I was visiting my italian friend in Milan and she pointed out the same thing your collegue did here. She said, stop saying “excuse me and sorry” every other second.

  9. hey, you all are free to move to japan.
    I am moving to australia as I really like it here …
    so, smb must keep the tradition runing in tokyo. and it has to be a male.
    but on the bright side, you can do whatever you want to a japanese cuttie, and say at the end … I am soooooo sorry.the problem is that since the japs like to hear the SORRY word repeatedly, you might do everything again … from the very begining.
    so basically that sorry here will get you out of most of the fuck ups you might find yourself in.
    maybe because the japs are good at cleaning your mess at the very end after you say I am sorry.
    but sometimes enough is enough …
    cant bear it when a japanese girl says:
    oh so sorry to make you cum!

  10. Don’t forget – You are the center of YOUR universe. All YOUR universe revolves around you.

    Considering that the universe is infinite, any point in it can be the center, thus it also makes geometric sense.🙂

  11. clue, stop baiting my poor readers, before tokyo becomes red and black.
    bimbashi, i know that. I am omniscient after all.😀
    man, explain. I’d like to hear your theory because infinity really bothers me.

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