Flying home

hello mr. s., i will be out of reach for a couple of weeks since i am going back home.

going home ey? i thought your family was here.

yeah it is. but i still miss my grandmas.

hmm. well have a good trip and congratulations.


 i think you’re gonna get married (wink-wink). send us an invitation, because we are coming to the wedding anyway.

the conversation leaves me openmouthed. not that i have not heard these words before. some of the questions i have fielded, would make the Inquisition very envious if it was still running.

it seems that all albos go back home only for four reasons:

1. to see family

2. to go to weddings and/or funerals

3. to get dental care

4. to get married

once immediate family is transferred back in the States, all close friends and cousins have been married and or dead, the new job provides health and dental plans and all ties are slowly severed with the motherland, there appears to be only one reason left for the 13 hour trip: getting married.

it is practically a requirement for guys to get married with an Albanian girl. they can have fun up the gazoo with foreign and exotic beauties but they will make their family very happy if they come to their senses and bring home an Albogirl. most of them have been cajoled, coaxed and plain seduced with pictures, descriptions and anything possible to go back home and choose amongst the fresh crop if there are no suitable ones in the US.

girls are different. their marriages with foreigners are not really frowned upon, because in the end they will change surnames anyway. that hyphenated stuff only works the lungs overtime and is a devil at spelling at the post office. however, after a certain number of years is gone they must be married and even exporting homegrown boys would do, if no suitable candidate has presented himself in the nearby area.

possibly that is why i get some strange winks and knowing looks when i say that i will be going back to Albania for two weeks. the internet relationship thingie is booming there big time, there are people connecting every second, falling in love, cheating, breaking up and connecting again without ever having seen each-other in real life.

the phone rings:

hey i heard you are going to tirana for a couple of weeks.

yep, i am

can i give you some stuff to bring to mom?

umm, is it roasted chicken or car tires? or number 16 men shoes?

no woman, what are you talking about? just some cash and some perfume for Goni’s daughters.

sure thing, bring them over by the house.

so are you going there for something special?

(et tu Brutus?) just to visit with my grandmothers and maybe go to the beach to relax. quiet stuff.

uhuh. so are you gonna invite us to the wedding?


20 thoughts on “Flying home

  1. hahahaha this is too funny man….why does everybody thinks this? can’t ppl go home just to visit family and relax?? albanians are strange sometimes, they come to some conlusions w/out having any clues. anyway, i wish you have a great trip in albania, have fun, enjoy the beach, and don’t forget to invite us to the wedding:))

  2. Don’t worry what people say. I think people can get xheloz sometime!
    Deep down they cant hide the fact that their life are miserable … 😉
    There is no prob. getting married to an albanian guy. They good looking one, gentle, smart, intelligent and unbelievable loyal..
    You go girl… Grab one.. 😛
    P.s. Ohh yeh, did a mention that they are great lovers??… 😉

  3. leon, i do not know who you have been sleeping with… certainly not with the ones i have.
    yeah everybody you are invited to the wedding. but don’t buy your dresses yet. i still have to find a husband.
    me vjen nder mend emigranti.
    dhe kam me se e s’kam me ke…
    smart man.

  4. ehe, but I i am so far off in the other direction that even when the fish is frying in the pan, I still order chinese for dinner.
    and usually i am right. (how is this for a God complex?)

  5. well, put it this way, either the fish gets burnt, or the cook sizzles himself instead of the fish, or the lights go out, or the world decides to end.
    and to top it all i do not like any fish dishes except sushi.
    thank God for take-out.

  6. Woaaaaaaaaaa… 😛 😛
    I will take akull-naja advise and not comment any further … 😉
    P.s. “S’do te martohet,mos te martohet!! Le ta martoj lagjia”… 😛

  7. ah leon vellai, lagjia po perpiqet. nuk eshte faji i tyre qe une jam noprane.
    eni baby thank you. ishalla e ndjek keshillen tende.
    akull rrofsh. me vjen keq qe nuk na u alternuan pushimet, te kishim bere nje dore muhabet prej verteti.

  8. Blete, do kish qene bukur. Nje kafe taljane, nje dore muhabet shqip, lere lere ç’do vente…Po dheun aty e kemi, e prape do i vemi; shpresoj te piqemi heren tjeter.
    Per te yyy-ten here, befsh qejf dhe per mua qe jam katandisur sikur kam 1 vit pa shkuar.:)

  9. qejf i modh e vapa vuu. e kom cu hunden me pushime.
    urimet tuaja do ti vija ne frixhiderr per perdorim te mevonshem por fatkeqesisht nuk ka drita.

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