Things to do in Las Vegas

1. participate in a convention. there must be a reason for a vegas trip. otherwise it does not make sense flying accross the country to press the same buttons as in atlantic city or foxwoods.

2. play the penny machines. hearing that ca-ching sound over and over makes one feel so proud, so lucky, so sexy, until the decimal point falls in place and one realises they played all night and won $3.oo. still, it awards satisfaction.

3. get a tattoo.  preferably a cute vacationy thingy that fades after two weeks. especially if the tattoo artist is cute. it is not helpful when visiting with elderly aunts, but it comes in very handy at the bar if one is light in the cash department and desperately needs a drink and a slot machine spin.

4. hit on pretty girls but walk away if they ask about how much money is in the wallet. no matter how hot, they are for hire, and there are plenty of people looking for fun in vegas who do not cost anything. one who did not listen, paid for services  he was gonna get for free anyway. plus, his girlfriend caught him in the act.

5. watch a topless circus show. if nothing else, there will be plenty of shapes to compare with, even though it might get depressing. seeing those things defy gravity burns some strange paths to the brain.

6. get freebies. there is always a promotion going on, there are always cheap things to get, free drink and door fee coupons, free shows and free buffet food. the more money saved, the more money played and used for shopping.

7. do the tourist thing. from the loud clothes with garish colors and high hemlines, to the aimless wandering and open mouth gaping at the casinos, feel free to be a tourist. just rememember to go to the mall for souvenirs, instead of the Strip, and do not feel ashamed to stock your purse with fruit and yogurt from the breakfast buffet, or walk in the street on nothing more than fishnets and bikini (except if you are a guy in speedos)

8. get a full body massage. no matter how expensive, those magic fingers will bring magic in your life too and rub hard at the spot you did not know existed. it is nice to feel like king or queen for an hour, even if you have to work for a month at the traffic light afterwards.

9. go shopping. vegas has the best little bouttiques for spicing up life whether solo, with a mate, or more as the mood strikes. just do not put your purchases in  your carry-on, unless you like to demonstrate their uses to the bored airport security.

10. do not fly Spirit, the cheapest, nastiest and scariest airline ever existed, unless you do not mind smells, broken luggage, being stranded at the airport and paying for coffee inflight; or you want to improve your batting aim.

and now i got to wrap up and go work the traffic light corner because rent is up and bank account is empty. when you see me, buy me a drink no questions asked.


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