I write like a little possessed bitch lately. My wrists are getting c.t.s. from bending over the keyboard all the time. I am in my reclusive, subdued mood, when I hate returning phone calls and tend to cry every five minutes. And there is no room in my little house for crying. There is not a single corner for tearshedding and hairpulling. I try to swallow my tears but there is no place for them inside my eye pouches either. It is overcrowded there too. So I write, about nothing and nobody but my little itchy-bitchy self, full of donuts and selfpity. Tears are morally corruptive, a sneaky weapon of the weaklings and women. Wait, I am one. I hate the way they sneak in when I speak to my father or when my sister hangs up on me. They sow my eyes shut and I always get a headache after crying like a lactating cow for an hour or more. But they taste salty and I like salt.

Sometimes, they come out right after I daydream about past touches and kisses in a cold Jersey room. There, I also understood the purpose of letting other people see my tears because I want them to see the hurt caused and think about mending, instead of looking for the nearest exit and thanking their lucky stars that there were no waterworks.

Sometimes, I watch myself in the mirror while crying. I have learned how my face moves during tearshedding and how to maximize the dramatic effect. You never know when I might have to convince some coldhearted creep and try to touch their frozen heart with my warm tears that taste so good.

The one thing I know is that I have to let them come out. My little precious body fluids must be let free to flow seductively down my cheeks and into the hollow of my neck like delicate springs or torrential rivers, depending on what caused them. And I always must sleep afterwards. If they are stopped from fully coming down, I know that I must prepare to pay a price.

I wonder how much water is there in a tear. it does not look like very much, but then there are so many feelings contained in it, that sometimes it might fill an ocean.


28 thoughts on “Tears

  1. well hey ..i’ll hug you electronically… don’t matter. ., same as real, even better, everything is perfect. we just hug, make out and take it from there 😛

  2. Why all the turmoil Blete.You usually come across very happy and cheery, so these latest posts are a bit of a surprise. It’s good to cry and get it out sometimes, but I hope you feel better soon.

  3. Ah, come on; what is going on? Completely agree with Lily. Who the hell is the cause of this? Is it a freaking “he”. Damn, almost know it, it has to be a “he”… that is depriving us, your readers, from the cool writings you usually do.

    Well, the sun will rise again.

    Or I am repeating the same mistake the others make with my writings and translate artistic creations into a personal thing… good that you have not written so far anything about Helen of Troy or something alike, as then you’d be about 3000 yrs old by now (God forbid!! 😉 )

    OK, you’ve gotta understand that you have an established audience that hates see you under any kind of suffering.

    A vitual hug, if you’re really down; a high five if this is just a fiction and you are in greatest shape, Blete. I prefer the latter, if you ask me.

    PS this design is very cool. But stick with one. It is intentionally with Albanian Flag colors, am I right?

    Pls give me an answer if you’re there. Will be around for another 15 minutes.

    PPS this is what happens when you hang out with Indian guys… 😀

  4. hehehe, not sad in the least. just found this in my myspace blog from last year and i posted it. and i needed a lovefest.
    gj.c. did not know you were into older women. interesting.
    lily thank you girl. i have discovered that i cannot be upbeat 24/7 and tears must have their moment as well. today i saw a wonderful new blue sky with white fluffy clouds and a plane, and i am still in a good mood.
    pm (my favorite pert of the day) i can’t settle down. i am commitmophobic. i suffer from not being able to recognize perfection.

  5. Alright! Hallelluja. Now get the hell out of your computer and enjoy life the way you do, so you can bring for another happy piece of writing (probably NYC life).

    Until next.

  6. check this video out. it will help as to the ettiquete.
    again on diet? come on leave some meat on those bones.
    no worries i am on a diet too.

  7. Got it. Got it. Actually saw it earlier… Thought it was very simple…. so even this with literature and PhD…

    PS Me le ketu… wanted to wash my car….

  8. no, do not know this girl.
    that is my sis, my cousin and my best friend. yours truly is with a black top and a mole on her forehead and smiling like a retard.

  9. It’s so much easier to write about pain isn’t it? It can be better analyzed, measured, parsed, felt and even tasted. Sometimes it’s even got some sort of an emotional texture. It’s so tough to do the same when you’re happy, or just in a neutral mood. You never jump in front of a mirror and look at how happy you are, or analyze why you are so happy. If you’re happy, you’re happy. You don’t need to analyze it. You just let yourself float. Comfort requires no action, which dulls the senses and eventually leads you to ignore its presence. Discomfort gives constant reminders. Pain requires thought. Requires a solution. Everyone knows their pain much better than their happiness. Which is why drama is so powerful.

    That said. I wish you all the happiness in the world, but I do prefer your sad or angry stories. They make much better use of your psychoanalytic and writing skills.

  10. firstly : wow..your new layout screams! loved the photo..do not change it .. at least for some time ..I beg you:)

    secondly: Happy to hear that’s an old story…stay cheerful dear!

  11. I had recognized you already dear since I have already seen some other pics you have posted on the blog 😉
    Besides smiling is the right way to enjoy the sun ;):)

    The girl on the left bore a striking resemblance to a friend of mine with whom I went to high school with, she used to wear the same type of sunglasses, had great hair, was a leo, and had a sparkling personality. She was called Et.Zy and her closets friend at the time was Enkeleda L.
    Don’t know if she’s married or whether she lives in Albania or abroad nowadays but your pic reminded me of her.

  12. that is funny. because my sister has great personality, is a Leo and has truly gorgeous hair. but her initials are v.a. and her bff is Desada. ah little joys of life.

  13. bimbashi, thx for that comment.
    i am somwehat addicted to melodrama (which is why i abhor the dreaded thing in real life), but i do like to try my hand at everything. more than anything else i hate being pegged down or being unable to transform.

  14. Cool layout and i hope you stick to this one for a while because is great:)) Also, happy to hear that all is going ok in your part of the world!

    Have a great week!

  15. again, it is a matter of want against a matter of have to. i am honored that you give me your sleepless minutes of the night.
    which i am pretty familiar with myself, to tell you the truth. there are nights when i simply do not sleep but surf strange sites and read things without understanding why i am torturing myself like that.

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