the Myth of Albanian Mafia

was having keys made at the locksmith’s today. a two by four space that smelled of moldy carton and rusty wood. there were three men having a conversation with each-other while the keys were getting made. one of them was absolutely gorgeous. and Albanian with an exaggerated Brooklyn accent.

when i took out my keys, my red field black eagle key chain (Alb flag for the uninitiated) dangled for a second. all the men shot me such a look you’d think i flashed my undies instead of my keychain. then the gorgeous one went on with his speech about how the Russians were grabbing all the money left and right and leaving nuffin’ for the rest of the hungry mouths. some more comments were made, a deal was struck, hands shook and the gorgeous Albo left with the cop, and drove away in what else? Benz-Mercedes.

‘f. Albanians, man- said the other guy -can’t wait to get rich. you know, Italians, Polacs, Irish came and worked hard for their money. these people, they work five ten years and they got more money than you and me. can’t make that much money the right way, that’s all i’m saying. and all that money goes to their country. they come they show me their houses. mansions man, mansions. they flip the pictures and i say, no way you can get those houses in here. there must be something man. and they kill you for money. killed their own priest you know. there was a mosque being built and somehow their priest had some words with the builders. next morning, pouff, they took him out. i mean with other guys, i hit you, you hit me, we’re still friends tomorrow. these people gotts to finish an argument. you talk back to them you’re dead. killed their own priest, what can you expect? but they got the money man, them and the Russians. Albanian Mafia, that’s all I’m sayin’.”

I listened to all this conversation with my butt. I wanted to interfere, but if they know us for tough guys, why should i break that reputation? i remembered a former coworker who said “Albanian Mafia” when yet another Albanian receptionist was hired. but we work for less, and we’re the best workers we know, why shouldn’t they hire us? New York is immigrant’s Mecca not because people are nicer here, but because they appreciate cheap and hard work. and because Alb are not yet fully aware that they can ask for a raise, benefits and health coverage for family. we’re still at the illegal immigrant mentality, the street kids that can do anything to get a deal where everybody wins. and if we are crossed, we fight. it is not a matter of money, as much as it is a matter of decency and honor. we can both make a deal to cross somebody else, but if you double cross me, why should i let it go? so we fight back. of course, then we are Albanian Mafia.

i am not saying that weird things do not happen, and that networks of crime are not in existence. i am saying that other people (duds like me) have felt the usefulness of the Mafia reputation and are using it to great benefit. there is something to be said when every little crooks thinks twice about messing with immigrants, because they are Albanian. we like myths, and it is high time that we should profit from them as well.

that is why i said nothing to the sad fcuk gabbing behind my back. maybe he was messing with me, maybe he was messing with his other pal, maybe he was simply working through his jealousy for the young, hot stud with a Benz-Mercedes of before. whatever. i shot the locksmith my toughest Mafia chick look but he still overcharged me. so much for that reputation.


24 thoughts on “the Myth of Albanian Mafia

  1. edhe italianet mendoj qe kane vuajtur/shfrytezuar namin si mafjoze. Nuk mendoj nje zgjidhje veç nuk e di me vjen ne mendje fjala “me mire syri se sa nami” mgjth nuk e di nese jam plotesisht dakort edhe me kete te fundit. Sidoqofte nuk jam dakord me shme gjera, çeshtje karakteri.

    p.s. fjalet qe nuk kuptova tek ngjarja jote:
    moldy carton and rusty wood
    flashed my undies
    they flip the pictures
    with my butt

  2. Let me apologize on behalf of the creep for his rudeness since he is clearly too ignorant to apologize on his own behalf. Sigh.

  3. they come they show me their houses. mansions man, mansions. they flip the pictures and i say, no way you can get those houses in here. there must be something man.

    Yes there is something. The cocksmith is a consumers. the Albanian aint.

  4. hi tena
    me vjen teper cudi dhe turp qe ti me lexon me kaq vemendje. une vuaj nga ADD.
    (dyqani mbante ere) karton te mykur dhe dru te ndryshkur.
    dangled = varej, tundej para syve (psh karremi, pendandi dangles)
    flashed my undies = tregova te mbathurat (tip ngre fustanin edhe hop! i tregon per nje minute)
    mansion = vjen nga frengjishtja, ka kuptimin shtepi e madhe, vile, pothuajse keshtjelle.
    flip the pictures = shfleton njera pas tjetres fotot, kur jane ne faqet e nje albumi
    with my butt-= me te prapsmen (ne nga kurveleshi them po degjon me b.. kur dikush i kthen gryken e topit muhabetit)

    per namin nuk di c’te them. si pak kokeshkrete qe jam, me pelqen kur na e kane friken. it is all in the head.

  5. max, it might be his way of trying to attract my attention. once i walked past this freight elevator guy that i tried not to look at every morning (his hairy butt was always hanging out of his dirty pants), when i heard “efin Albanians”, so i effed him back only to see him laugh. his mission was accomplished, i had spoken to him.
    the mating habits of subhumans = my next project. LOL
    thank you for the sentiment. if you need to make sb disappear let me know.

  6. kreshnik, these people never see anything wrong with themselves. it is always those effin albos, the dirty mexicans, and the mofo latinos who take their jobs, their money, their women and leave their brains intact.that is why instead of trying to convince them of the absurdity of their conversation, i just fuel the fire.

  7. Hi blete!
    Nice one!! 🙂
    It just one thing that bother me. You meet a gorgeous Albanian guy (aren’t we all) and you let him go just like that.. What’s wrong with you??
    You said he drives a Mercedes ee??
    OK!! I make a few calls to my “mafia friends”
    You know we all a family round here… You mess with blete you mess with all the family.

  8. leono ku ha buke ti brother?
    it is all a matter of attitude. you gotta make men work hard, and when they are gorgeous, harder. if I hand it to him on a platter, your average gorgeous albanian man won’t know what to do with it. it is only when he is tortured beyond redmption, beaten within an inch of his miserable life, ready to give up his Mercedes for one kiss, and singing Moli songs to his raki cup, then he can truly appreciate the gift of my company.
    but i can’t abide suffering, so i don’t mess with goregous masochists mafiosos.

  9. Love this one. I have had my smile for the day & you know that’s hard to come by lately. By the way,your guy w/the Benz must have been cousins w/the one I saw
    going into the bank today. Nearly cracked
    this bad neck of mine turning around so fast.
    Quite impressive @ any angle.
    I’m thinking maybe you & I should start our
    own “Euro Mafia” at you know where. I could
    see who would appreciate it already.
    Esp. since they think this quiet Slovak is
    sooooo sweet.-L

  10. Hey Blete un ha buk me shoket…
    To be honest i don’t know much about albanian man, so i cant help you.
    It just happen to be that i prefer women 😛
    Ok i understand the albanian women got this “practise” that they use against our poor man.. 😦
    A Practise that sometime involves torture of spirit in cruel matter.…
    But hey, it does not hurt elf you get “loosen” a bit sometime!! 😉
    Anyway you said it yourself is only a myth right??
    Reality is that the albanian man are sweet and gentle like a pussy cat … 😛

    P.s. Ky shkrim duhet te vij tek peshku!!

  11. I love it! The first week that i had moved to
    NYC, one friend of mine (not albo in this case)
    was saying to me “watch from the Albanians
    because they’re dangerous”. I started laughing
    at the comment because I’ve just moved to this
    place and he was telling me to watch out of my
    people, even though there’s some truth because
    they can be ruthless and cruel. Mire ka thene
    Tena “me mire syri se nami”:))

  12. te jap te drejte lal per faktin kur na ngjyrosin kot se koti me te zeze dhe kur jemi pa faj.Nga ana tjeter ka marre shume nam mafia shqiptare.Ne nje lajm qe pata lexuar nga nje gazte ketu njehere thoshte se 3 jane mafiat me te degjuara dhe ne ze te botes per momentin: italianet,shqiptaret dhe ruset..Nuk e di sesi duhet te reagoj ne kesi rastesh por nganjehere mendoj se te dh.. se te dh.. jemi te pakten te jemi ne top 3:))

  13. Mafia chick is the word of the year!

    It really sucks it was strangeMAN to coin it and not me.
    Life is tough simetime! 😉

    Thanks, Blete! Really!

    (PS what are you waiting before you publish this kind of stock you have in your cellar already)

  14. Per fat te keq shkrimet tek bleta jane vetem ne anglisht,dhe per ne qe nuk jemi shume te pergatitur ne nje gjuhe te tille,na mbetet vetem te mundohemi te perkthejme copa copa apo te imagjinojme fundin,Siç edhe ne filmat qe i shikonim fshehtas regjimit ne vitet 80.Mbaj mend te kem pare tek Jugosllavi plot filma te Hitchcock,por nuk kuptoja se çfare thoshin aktoret.
    Pak nga shkrimi,pak nga komentet,e kuptova se per çfare behej fjale.Imazhi i shqiptareve.Eshte e vertete qe nuk eshte e lehte te flasesh,aq me teper kur je nacionalist qe ballkanasit e kane si mjet jetese.
    Kudo qe jam prezantuar,kam vene re qe çehrja e fytyres ka ndryshuar per nje moment,dhe shkaku ishte prejardhja:Shqiperia!Por eshte nje ngarkese qe duhet mbajtur,te pakten per ne qe kemi zgjedhur kurbetin per te jetuar e punuar.
    Stereotipet jane nje e zeze qe damkos kedo,dhe tegjitha shtetet e kane nga nje.Ne,shqiptaret nuk e kemi dhe aq te lehte te mposhtim stereotiper sepse shume here na mungon argumentimi dhe zotesia per tu mbrojtur.Fodulleku i atyre njerezve qe inormohen me gazeta apo televizione,apo dhe neprmjet komunikimit virtual,eshte i forte,ai leshon rrenje dite pas dite.
    Ne Europer nuk jemi shume te mirpritur,por akoma jetojme,mbijetojme edhe pse ne nje kafaz dhe tela prej argjendi.Po ne Usa,si kalohet andej?Me e lehte besoj,duke pare numrin e kombesive qe perbejne ate truall.

  15. “The cocksmith is a consumers.
    the Albanian aint.”
    max, what do you mean? “c” and “l” are too far apart as to for a typo 😀

  16. You have a problem with your neighbor?
    Your parking space is always occupied by some puertorican S of a B?
    The Russian guy who’s deliverind pizzas givin’ always the cold one from the bottom?

    No problem: Call Mafia Chick and she’ll come by, kick some ass and get things going for you!

    Blete you rule!

  17. thanks strangeman. bashke me zotrote.
    Linda, we’re gonna be the quiet Slovak and the Albanian ballbuster. sounds like a Tarantino movie. i like.

  18. Belle, no worries. you cna join our Euro Mafia group.
    Leon, can’t bring this to peshku. they’ll crucify me and i am not in a masochist mood (yet).

  19. salvatori, nuk ke c’i ben ketij problemi. na e ka dhene Zoti ngarkesen se i kemi shpatullat e forta dhe zemren e bardhe.
    fakti eshte qe diskriminimi egziston kudo. cdo komb ose rrace e sheh veten si te zgjedhur e te perkryer dhe dyshon ndaj cdo qenie qe nuk i perket ose pershtatet. ndryshe nga Evropa, ne New York, njerezit vetem flasin dhe nuk kane guxim te diskriminojne dukshem. USA eshte diku ne mes te Evropes e te New Yorkut per nga trajtimi.

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