Ticking Away

“honey, i can’t take it any longer without kids. i will marry my addict girlfriend and have them as soon as possible” the SMS is the last installment of a developing soap opera of my friend in my faraway country and his restless girlfriend. i often get messages appraising me of their current situations, as well as any other women he happens to indulge with. i read them. then i try to understand why. this is a son of divorced parents not on amicable terms, sibling of two sisters one currently divorcing and the other one wildly partying. and he wants to have a family with a drug addict. who he is not faithful to. who is not faithful to him.  

he says he is the last one of his bygone friends not to have kids. he says he feels terribly alone and unfulfilled. he spoils his nephew to death and fights with his sister and her soon to be ex-husband over him. he is probably part of the reason they are divorcing. he said that pretty soon he will be too old to have a family of his own. he says he leads a miserable life. he wants a child to fix everything. and to have a child, he has to marry the mother, the half psycho addict (his words). but she told him she can stop whenever she wants. and he is banking on it.

cut to my fleeting friendship with a needy girl who lived for 10 months with somebody one head shorter, balding and alcoholic. all for the sake of a ring that never materialized. instead, he showed her a picture of his fiance in a faraway village which his family had sent to him, and which was arriving in two weeks. so she had to pack up and leave. immediately. i was happy then that he dumped her. people need a calming and rebound period. all psychology and self-help books say so. instead, she hooked up with and married a guy she’d only met through internet.  she threw away all her hoochie mama clothes, transfered all her savings in his bank and jumped the border since she had no papers. a year later she was finally her dream, a respectable married lady with a cute baby and slightly shorter husband who drank a bit too much. and in-laws.

and then there was my other girlfriend, a brigh young thing who kept dating losers. whirlwind relationships that ended within a month. we thought it was because she did not want to settle down and liked sex. she was looking for a husband indeed. she finally found her one and only loser, breaking up with all her friends in the process. he is not a loser, just a simple guy with a gift for home improvement and no college. it would all be great, except she boses him around to the point of madness and never ever lets him forget who the most enlightened person in the family is. at our far and between get togethers, the rest of us sit and masticate something without daring to look at the poor man in the eye while she is tongue lashing him. and not in a good way.

there are plenty of other examples, when perfectly sane people suddenly hear an invisible bell, or receive a nonexistent alarm clock and grab the first one they can reach and get married. they turn into suckface monsters almost overnight and make their poor friends gag for about six months to a year, until they awake from the drug and find themselves hitched. possibly hating the person breathing on the other side of the bed. possibly scared by that much reviled morning after face. they can’t plead temporary insanity. they have a public face to protect. after all, it is nice to parade around with your other half all decked out, while your single friends still dissect dates and have threesomes. it is nice to be envied, even if desperation and loneliness have come back full force, hurting not one but two and more people.

i wonder if this is a bell i can not hear, or i have heard already and not recognised. will i be as lunatic and eratic as my friends? why can’t i hear the biological clock, ticking away in every desperate ironed-out-hair and backless top beauty over thirty, or slicked/spiky goatied man in a open shirt and khakhis? am i missing or suffocating my womanly ADN? i know i want kids. i know i want a good solid family life. but why can’t i dope my brain enough temporary and accept what fate is doling out to me? maybe this wave of smoldering heat will knock me on the head and i can finally make my grandmas happy.

oh yeah, new friend SMS “she can’t cook. and i just proposed a week before.” mazel tov!

10 thoughts on “Ticking Away

  1. Oh wow, is it me, or can the tension on this post be cut with a knife… ouch…

    /Luckily I can cook better than anybody I have ever known.

  2. you ain’t seen tension yet, trust me.
    i just get tired at the stupidity and then scared that one day my own brain is going to fly out of the window, and come back after a year or so to find me in a corner with three kids and one lump of a husband, trying to understand what happened. or maybe in 60 years, they’ll find me dead and half eaten by cats.

  3. <b>”it is nice to be envied, even if desperation and loneliness have come back full force, hurting not one but two and more people.”</b>
    sharp observation there, blete!
    Even thought the devil is not as black as they say, I liked this piece a lot. Congrats!!!

  4. Oh B, you just gave a KD to my biological clock…😦 My intention tonight was to go out and hunt for a husband, but now I think I’m going to watch Shrek 2 and Shrek 3…🙂

  5. nah, if you are not blinded by the tock, you are not ready to look for one yet.
    But that doesn’t mean you should spend friday night with Shrek, At least not without a red wine bottle😉

  6. I’d rather be alone than marry someone just to say that i’m married and next moment be miserable and regretting the decision for hooking up with the wrong person.

  7. Very interesting and sharp comment blete,

    1. I often dwell on similar thoughts myself. Luckily, I have come to convince myself that if I am scared enough to worry, I will be strong/smart enough to not let stupidity and biological clocks and fisi “ne koken tende” pressures have their way. The lump of a husband (wife) does not ‘just happen’. It is not a sudden disease. And it surely doesn’t happen overnight.

    2. I have heard the “devil” expression by quite a few people (unsurprisingly – married), but as I see it, the devil in this case is not marriage itself. It is the fear of taking that step at the wrong time, with the wrong person, for the wrong reasons. And if that happens, I think, the devil IS as black as it can get.

    Good luck to all of you, on both sides of the fence:-)

  8. di, thank you. it is exactly that, the fear of the lump on the other side of the bed that prompted me to write this piece.
    self, i am not doing anything with him. he is a friend, a very misguided poor soul, but a good friend who will make a deserving husband one day. just not today, and not with this one. and not with me (the question was dealt with a long time ago)

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