“I want to buy you a gift” he said “What do you want?”
the question caught her by surprise. she thought she had already shown him what she wanted throughout that strange, dreamlike morning spent at his apartment. she thought her wish had been stated quite eloquently, not only through speech, but also through fingers, mouth, and body. she had not even spared her love handles and tiny stretchmarks on rather full hips that she usually kept hidden under darkness induced by heavy curtains and multiple bed sheets.
“Shall I buy you a laptop?” he said. “I saw some cute ones yesterday.”
she thought of the square and dark laptop, not unlike his body, laid in front of her in her queen size bed, in the middle of the books and the unpaid bills. she could definitely use a new laptop. she could take it with her to the coffee shop and flirt away with her cyber boyfriends while thinking fondly of him. she could surf porn all night long without having to cede “the throne” to her web crazy family. she could probably finish that novel which was still in its first twenty pages, even after five years.
“What am I thinking?” he said “I am sure you’d rather have a Chanel bag”
she imagined him in the high end department store, amidst all those linked C’s and predator sale assistants salivating at the thought of swiping his Black American Express, while trying not to think about being washed out models at 40+ and still working at the parfume counter. he’d probably ask them about the right style for a young lady and they’d answer, smiling through their teeth and dripping envy for the 20 sth year old who was taking a man so age and economically appropriate for them. and then herself toting around a Chanel bag, resting it on the subway floor or inadvertently stepping on it every three minutes.
“Come on” he said, his voice almost pleading “I want to do this for you. Just tell me what you like.”
she thought about asking for diamonds, hundreds of thousands of diamonds, dripping through her hair, caressing her neck, piercing her navel and enslaving her wrists and ankles. their glitter would be her refuge and her support. she’d finally give forth the light she always dreamed about, its artificial rays as good as real ones. she could play with them, feel their little prickles against her skin almost as good as the feel of his touches.
“I have to express my gratitude in some way.” he said “Perhaps I could help you with your school expenses. How about that?”
he certainly could do that too. she thought about all her dreams buried under the aforementioned bills on her bed, and the ease with which she would dig them out. she’d finally get a chance to crack her future door open and be on the par with her excelling friends who had achieved everything. not even her pride would suffer because she’d already given without expecting anything back.
she kissed his cheek and his fingertips and then got out of the car and into common life again. offers were always good mind fodder, acceptance a very smart business decision. but it was not business decisions she was looking for, right? right?