Emergency

The computer speakers buzz, the cell phone vibrates, then the piercing ring follows through. I ain’t answering. No sirree, wanna have my quiet and peace and blog surfing. Don’t care who it is, you just keep on ringing…

A bit later the landline starts trilling. I look to my mother engrossed in “Slave Isaura -the Hotter Remake”, and she does not even flinch. My father loves talking to telemarketers and improving his English, but he is currently out “shopping”. I let it go to voice mail. And here it is “Hey, pick up, pick up, got sth important, please pick up!” The urgency of my best friend’s voice pulls me from my mindless chatting. I pick up.

The polite questions on the other hand, tell me that my friend is not in a life threatening situation and nobody has died. The evasive tones speak however about the delicacy of all of it. After a bit of beating about the bush, it comes to notice that the picture CD she gave to our other friend, might have some, how can i put this, slightly incriminating pictures. “Nothing racy of course, but maybe some handplay and some things like that”. And they are with the former date of hers, which she never admitted to doing more than having coffee. It dawns on me that I never asked where did they have their coffee. After the embarrased and pleading tone on the phone, I am guessing that maybe, uh, it was not exactly the Grand Cafe.

But how do we stop the pictures from being seen, let alone forwarded to ALL of our friends circle? (because my friend is a bit computer challenged, she gave the CD to the other friend to distribute). What could she possibly have there? Pulled a Brittney maybe? Or a Paris? Or worse a La Lohan? Nah, it is probably just an innocent au naturel. We finally come to an intricate plan of action which might work, if she is cunning enough about it.

I hang up and get to thinking about these pictures. People are having too much fun with the digital cameras man. Because they do not need to be in film and printed, some inhibitions fall away, and presto, plenty of pale and untonned body parts crowd the computer screen. I remember our other friend that was showing us his kid pics, and clicked on the trash can by mistake. All his deleted pics in the buff came out. Way more than we were prepared for.

I think of my own stash, hidden with three passwords under a misleading file and panic. What if my ever inquisitive dad clicks on them? What if my well-meaning mother does? I quit blogging and chatting and Launch a methodical search and destroy mission.

Lessons to be learned:

1. When deleting, check your camera memory and any specifically saved albums. Unless cleaned too, those pics will continue to show up anytime you download.

2. “Empty the recycle bin”. The material may be deleted from the files, but not from the trash can, unless it is emptied. Simple housekeeping.

3. Delete pics not only from separate folders, but also from the master picture file. Make sure they are gone.

4. Never save racy pics on your online folders. You do not want to make happy some pimply 14 yr old from Wyoming, Ukraine or Brisbane now, do you?

5. Same goes for work computer. You know you are the sexiest baddest mofo out there but you do not want your boss leering in corp. meetings or your coworkers

7. Do not let your boyfriend/girlfriend keep anything more recognizable than a lump of flesh, devoid of moles and birthmarks. When you are together, they can look at the real thing as much as they like, and if you break up (luj venit), your bits and pieces won’t be money sources for those shameless, backstabing, ne’er-do-well louses.

8. Do not teach your parents how to use the computer. If you think they will be limited to your lessons of how to email and read the newspaper, you are grossly mistaken. Do not forget, they made you, therefore they are twice as smart. If your hand is twisted, buy them a separate unit. Best money you’ll ever spent, trust me.

That’s it. Gotta go, follow up my own advice now.

12 thoughts on “Emergency

  1. Well… deleting it is actually not enough.
    If they were stored in a memory chip or computer pics can be recreated.

    No comp expert myself but unless the storage unit is formated and written on at least a couple of times the pics are still acessible ( albeit most likely not by mom and/or dad).

  2. hehehe, it reminded me of my father looking to the strange photos of the famous “Street Parade” i had in my digital camera… he didn’t say anything, but i could see his face was not as usual… half naked men with strange tatoos and phone numbers on the buts ( professional streepers…:))…

  3. Blete, very very very cooool, Girl!

    “shopping” again?
    My father loves talking to telemarketers and improving his English, but he is currently out “shopping”… he he heee…. how big is your house/apt , anyway?

    Kafja Madhe ne Shkoder?
    “After the embarrased and pleading tone on the phone, I am guessing that maybe, uh, it was not exactly the Grand Cafe.” ha ha haaa… o Blete! a ca i ke bo asaj shoqes tate…. pese kafe dates huh?…. I can still remember….

    Blete, a e ke pare ate me Paris? Une e kam ne hard drive. Dhurate nga nje shok. Titulli misleading: “One night in Paris”, medemek si shenime udhetimi….. Just in case, my CD burner is in great shape….

    Dhe e fundit:
    “I think of my own stash, hidden with three passwords under a misleading file and panic.” Stash? Po intrigohem….. Ah, po frika ruan vreshtat dhe pornon, thote populli yne i mencur dhe punetor….. paj Zotin, ca titulli i ke vene? Festojme 1 Qershorin….😀 😛

    *****************

    Tani seriozisht: FLM! Good JOB!

  4. thank you people.
    the crisis is still going on. we await news.
    @ peach, Paris is not my type. but I did peek a bit.😉

    @akull, do not worry if it was not your number on the buttcheeks. and be careful now on when you invite people on “coffee” dates

    @Elais, Thank God my dad does not know that!

    @ Strangeman ungaru-ngaru-ke-ungaru-ngarum-gum-ke. Naina-h-nain-nah-nainainainanana. e tera dhe e tejbera.

  5. The right for porn should be considered as a very basic and core human right!😀 😛 😛

    A quickie here: the right to vote or to watch porn?

    PS As une s’e kam qejf P.H., po hic fare ama…. popullariteti i saj eshte nje nga gjerat qe truri im s’do ma kapi ndonjehere….

  6. that’s my little sisters!
    gj.c. the girls watch and like porn. they always have and always will. being Albanian just means they have more sophisticated taste and can not be happy with canned tatas and sausage lips.
    and none of that pink candy soft erotica either. they only have two positions and two male actors who “do” all the girls.
    peach, I am allowed both, because I am a Gemini.

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