why I can’t be your best friend (rated M for meanness)

you call me, you want to talk to me, you want to date my friends, you want to listen to my problems, you want to drive me home, you never let me pay, you let me go first through the door, you want to go where I go, you laugh at my jokes, you ask to be included and taken care off, you are surprised when I tell you to think for yourself.

pal,

i know what a bitch i can be. i know that you see thorns when you least expect them and you do not understand. you have problems of your own. you do not deserve the tongue lashing. you do not need the pain. you just want a little friendship, a confidante, a little giggle and a dinner companion. a little warmth that you can enjoy without burning, a little light that will lead you through the dark and winding road.

you think you have given enough to deserve all this.

but see, i have not received anything back. in my math, your side always comes up a bit short, your smile always a bit crooked, your admiring glance always a bit calculating, your warmth always filtered. so my cup runneth empty. and i cannot understand, i cannot control it, but i want to cover that emptiness and crawl in my own corner and listen to its echo. by myself.

i am not in a very good place right now. i am finding out what it is to be an adult. i am understanding that myself is not mine to give so freely anymore. i have responsibilities i have to adhere to. and yes, they are just excuses, but they are true nevertheless.

you do not deserve my attitude. you deserve friendship. which is not in me anymore. so the choice is yours. i never had one.

Divorce, Albanian Style.

let me say right off the bat, i saw the show tonight and i loved it. it is the most complete piece in English portraying Albanian Style living, so anyone with an american date, should take them to see it. even if we don’t all identify with the lifestyle, it makes us exotic enough in the eyes of americans to warrant a second look (the reason i am saying this is that i’ve always felt we are not exotic enough as foreigners. not all of us wear head-kerchiefs, strange jewelry on their boobies, or shoot guns at weddings. we need to establish an identity people!)

elza is great there, very  full of good energy, and very communicative with the voice of Kanun. if it was me though, i’d have made the jokes a bit more rapid fire, but she is dead on with the impersonations of different characters and entirely at home with her material. her aunt could have been my aunt, and her stuff was eerily similar to some of my own expenses with marriages and divorce. (to this day, the only separated but not divorced! people in my family are one cousin and one aunt. i think it is actually part of the reason why i am terrified of commitment.

the show is simple, with only one set and elsa doing all the characters as she seamlessly tells the story. luan bexheti does the voice of Kanun, which i liked very much. (did not expect booming from such a very well behaved gentleman, but that is why he is an actor and i am not.)  it is all very well put together, and you never get bored. the jokes are funny and you can’t help laughing and shaking your head in places, even though you are trying not to. (see, we albanians are also a very tough crowd to perform to, because we do not think that laughing out loud is proper and we are naturally sarcastic and totally in self-denial.)

i.e. -my parents never insisted on marriage like that!

-oh yeah? where did you grow up, the moon? and how many girls they introduced to you on that last trip home?

so that is it. go see it and enjoy it people, because it is worth it. and ten years from now, when you see Oscar reruns, and elza Zagreda winning the little man again, you will proudly say to your kids: “I was there when it all started, you know.”

http://www.smarttix.com/show.aspx?showCode=DIV8

Albanian Women Exposed. The Aftermath.

well, the big day came and went. we pulled it off, people!  Albanian Women Exposed was a big hit. and I looked absolutely smashing of course. lol.

we did get a humongous amount of people, to which I am deeply in debt and will repay as soon as possible. old and new faces surfaced, performed, got drunk, and appreciated art at the Producers Club in NY which was incredibly busy to tell you the truth. I had hoped we were going to have the whole place to ourselves, but business is business i guess.

Anyway, Keidi and crew came from Toronto looking fab-u-lo-so, the Spiro Clan showed in full force, and the Alikaj-related entourage was swinging with the good times. Of course Murataj families were the stars of the evening especially their most talented member (you know who I am talking about and no, it is not Andi). Miss Shehaj and miss Amet were simply divine, and the Ciftja couple was gorgeous. oh me like, me like. Eni and Mimoza we missed you too much for words. and the Albanian Women Exposed by heart, Pirra family-i love you all, especially the spice.

Deep thanks to the performers and good friends of my good friends: Linda Zoraqi who wore an Albanian costume for me; Arberie and Ernest (i am now officially your drooler); Fatrin Krajka (why you got to be gorgeous AND talented? world is not fair); Luan Bexheti (brave brave man) and John Skreli (you rock youtube even without the H), Elza Zagreda (Blond Brainy Beauty, don’t forget to catch her show on September 25.); Dhimitri and Lori Ismailaj (could there be more talent in the room?) and friends and friends and friends… You were all hot.

especially Lenny Gega. you had me as soon as you insisted on paying your entrance fee. i will hug you any time i see you even if you get a restraining order. true class, people, true class.

linda lovely linda, thank you for coming and giving me your fab smile. we’ll make an albanian of you yet.

Lovely Albanian press people showed too and I hope we’ll get good reviews. if we don’t, i ain’t sleeping with you. if we do… well, i ain’t sleeping with you either but i will be extra grateful. especially if you spell my name right.

The photos were very appreciated, critiqued, rotated, wetted, ncuq-ed and oh-ah-ed over. we managed to get all pictures named before the show (well actually, all I did was put on makeup, but i am sure my presence, especially the top i had on, inspired people). so it was a success. i apologize to all the people expecting tits and breakings of cultural barriers. our aim was to have a cultural soiree. mission accomplished

afterwards, we went to Desare where Aurela Gace was singing, Elton Deda was accompanying her, and a whole slew of NAAC people were playing important, and we had more fun. Aurela was of course magnificent. the night ended strangely enough with my shoes of at Two Stars in the Bronx, arguing with a couple of friends over tea and pleskavica. go figure.

and now that i am done with lip service, the dirty stuff:

1. ex-crush was there with new gf, and old gf showed up too. we braced for battle but everybody was exceptionally well behaved. and no, i do not have the crush anymore.

2. feuding brother and bf of friend both showed. who wins, who does not?

2. just-engaged couple was cute but obnoxious. well that’s it, my kids will never marry their kids.

3. a pox to all those that did not show up to support us. no matter if their cat had died, wifey’s water broke, miss Kosova wanted a hot date, or their 401k was invested with the Lehman brothers, they should have come. (i will remember who you are, come Christmas, Channukah and Ramadan. oh yes, lunar New Year too).

4.@ you-know-who-you-are, never ever start your stand-up act with black jokes. it just kills the mood even if albanians are white. and never give up, because we are not as tough to crack as you think.

5. a bucket is always handy for a leaking air conditioner. thankfully the pictures were not harmed, but the floor was.

there were several more things but i forgot them. please feel free to add your own.

FINAL_2

FINAL_2

Originally uploaded by bletebzz

Albanian Women Exposed. You are invited.

Albanian Art Calendar

well, Albanian art shows are on with a vengeance this fall. and there is some serious artwork and film there with interesting names and so forth. and surprisingly it is good art with barely any mother Theresas or Scanderbegs in the mix. not that i have anything against them, but it seems that the only way to prove one’s albanian-ness lately is to have an artwork dedicated to either mother Theresa, Scanderbeg, the doubleheaded eagle, even a ballist or two. and for one like me who grew up during the Enver period, it does bring back the good old times.

anyway, i am happy to see that the scene is rife with Albanian art life even if still in the algae stage.

and now without further ado:

1. Dhimitri screened his movie “” at the Producers Club. it is surprisingly good (for me anyway) despite all the melodrama and cliches. i do not think he has found his way still, but he is getting there. hopefully Sundance will see it my way too.

2. Art show of Alex Margjini (since when Alex?) Erion Xhelili dhe Arber Thano. good i say. I liked the paintings and the tits that were painted facing off with mother Theresa, separated by the Jonian sea. there was potential, and i hope the painters got the buyers they were waiting for. furthermore there was elucidating conversation, free drinks and ribs at Joe’s rib shack after. if there would be no storm, it would have been perfect.

3. art show organized by AAWO with the photos of Vasil Qesari and paintings of Fate Velaj who confused a helluva people expecting a gorgeous and elegant girl artiste and facing instead a very dapper Fatmir Velaj. well these things happen. unfortunately it was so hot that i barely saw a picture or three and concentrated on the wine and water instead. my big loss i am sure. wish both artists good luck even though they are well known and do not really need it.

4. Albanian Women Exposed . ok here you have to come people. no ifs or buts or what nots. it is our party, we need your support and you might even get to see a tit or two. and the booze is cheap. and i can read hands if the mood so strikes me. (check the pic in the other post for more info)

5. same night is the NAac dinner at Cipriani and an after show with Aurela Gace at Desire, a french restaurant owned by an albanian guy: (yes, ee i take the pate de imam bajalldi and two vin de berat please!) the 19th seems to be a very fashionable day. (were they listening behind our doors or sth?)

6. Elza Zagreda is coming back with “Divorce! Albanian Style” More power to this woman who can still make us laugh, even in the face of the violence such an event might bring. she is pretty, she is smart, she is very talented and her humor speaks a lot, especially now when an albanian woman lies on the hospital bed, knifed down by her crazy ex-husband. he did it in front of the kids. so come, laugh and evolve.

7. Colombus day parade with a heavy Albo accent. dunno why we albos love parades so much. but it promises to be fun. check it out on facebook or email this guy for more info. info@thealbanians.com.

more is coming. will keep you posted.

compliments do’s and don’ts

if, like me, you have been brought up to look at modesty as the best virtue, compliments are the worst gift to receive. personally, i do not know how to handle them, no matter what they compliment or who the complimenter is.
whenever i get paid a compliment, i blush, i mutter and i either change discussion or rush to counter-argue it, leaving the person paying the compliment mostly perplexed about my mental state. it is not that i am overly modest. i think i have a pretty good idea of what i am worth. and yes, mostly i do deserve the compliments i receive. unless they are talking about my elegant waist, which truly makes me violent.
so out come the protests, the self belittling, the blushes and whatnot. it takes my complimenter a while to understand that i am actually answering in correct albanian woman etiquette and assuming that modest air my grandma instilled in me all those years ago. girl with big ego does not bring home worthy husband.
unfortunately, i was also taught that compliments never say the truth and the person who pays them to me must either want something from me, or is being facetious.  watch the complimenters, they never say the truth.

on the other hand, compliments do enlighten one’s day. even a mumble from the homeless guy in the corner, can brighten my smile or lighten my step. as my hair receives the compliment, it pays it forward with swishes and curls, bounces and bobs that make the world a better place. oh it feels so good to get that extra smile from the cop when i am wearing new shoes, or the twinkle of the teller’s eyes as she looks at my hand.

a good compliment can make one overlook a misstep and forgive a booboo. a compliment can get one out of a parking ticket or into a VIP table. a compliment has the power to make one forget and say yes when one should really say no, and to gloss over the pain and the hurt about to be meted out.

so, when i felt its power and the control that a compliment can have over me, i set out to master it. i think i got a grasp on the whole thing when the soup guy finally smiled and gave me an extra bun. i experimented further until i got it right so here it is:

1. exaggerate but do not lie outright. (i.e. you really know how to use it, versus oh baby i can’t take all of that in!)

2. accompany the compliment with a sincere look (practice by looking at yourself squarely in the eye and saying, i’d do you! see how easy it can be?)

3. make simple, tried and true compliments (saying her eyes are like midnight is much better than saying her eyes are like midnight in amsterdam after eating the special brownies)

4. never ever compliment on purpose before you ask for a favor (p.sh. saying i love your hair, right before asking for a loan, is not fruitful and it will not get you anywhere . rather start pretending to pay attention to the person you need and say mid conversation, wow look at those eyes/t-shirt/dears of yours. they will be distracted and you can ask for their golden goose in precisely this moment.)

5. if you receive compliments, please please please do not treat them like enemy slogans or graffiti. instead smile gracefully and accept them as your due, because even if you do not deserve them, you possibly will)

soppy break

i had a milion stars in my hair.

and gleams of eternety in my eyes

bluebird feathers and chocolate ice cream

my dress of love

i caught a milion wedding bouquets

had my nose rubbed by all the shining brides

stories of romance and bald bards

the tune of my dream

and now i do not know whow to finish it