bletebzz

March 31, 2008

Big Decision Time

Filed under: events, family — bletebzz @ 8:31 pm

for those of you who have been wondering where i have disappeared, i want to apologize and explain. not that i owe you anything. but i fancy that you like me enough to care, and that you can’t sleep at night with worries of me.

well, in short, i got married. i decided that it was time to make my parents happy and get my friend a green card so we tied the knot last week in a civil ceremony in NY city hall. it is not very hard to get a license you know.

we got a license, waited a day, and then became a couple officially. i wore black in deference to NY and he wore a red tie with a black eagle which i asked him to keep on on the wedding night. his eyes were green in deference to the green card, and my underwear was white so that my mom had nothing to complain about.

so mazel tov to me and you’re all invited to the wedding when we actually get to have one. we’ll dance, we’ll prance, and we’ll give all the bridesmaids up for sale. for now, you’d just have to content with a virtual Turkish delight.

March 16, 2008

Mourning

Filed under: events — bletebzz @ 7:58 pm

there is nothing cute to say. just Albania, burning and mourning its dead. condolences and prayer.

March 13, 2008

CheaterSmiterGirl III

Filed under: CheaterSmiter Girl series, Making Honey — Tags: — bletebzz @ 8:23 pm

”What are you doing here? I ask “You told me you broke up with him!”
“So? That gives you the right to hurt people? This is my boyfriend’s home. What are you doing here? And dressed like that?”
Hmmm, how do I answer this? It certainly looks kind of awkward.
“I am CheaterSmiterGirl.” I say, feeling stupid for the second time this night. “I am a superhero. I smite the cheaters.”
“No come on girl, what are you really doing here? I did not even hear the door knock or anything. Are you two going behind my back?”
“Honey,” the football head croaks dramatically “I never cheated on you. She just showed up looking like that. I swear. I told you she had a thing for me.”
“Why you lousy, mousy, little weasel!” I start but my friend silences me with her furious face and better cradles his nasty head in her ample bosom. We stay like that for a minute.
“I thought you were my friend.” She finally says.
“I am” I say suddenly uncomfortable. The corset has started to dig in my flesh.
“I am. You told me he makes you unhappy. He can’t commit. He is a cheater, you told me so yourself. You told me he broke up with him.” I repeat myself in a little voice.
“ I did this for you. I can’t stand seeing you unhappy, or making a mistake you will regret later”
“Well, I doubt that. We are getting engaged.” She says, and suddenly my high heel boots do not seem like such a great idea. I feel wobbly and a bit nauseous.
“Are you sure?” I manage to ask.
“Of course I am sure. You know, you have always been a bit condescending. And you’ve never been in love for real so you would never understand.”

That shuts me up for good. Oh yeah, it is time to go and leave my friend enjoy her fiancée (or at least try to revive him) I do not take back my smiting though. I still think he deserves to suffer.
I vanish as dramatically as I can, which let me tell you, is no easy feat, because it lasts about half a second and there is no door to bang. All I could hope for is a meaningful air whoosh following my vanishing act.
I do not want to go straight to my apartment so I slow down to a float once outside under the night sky. I need to think. Or more accurately, I need to vent.
I cannot believe this. After all the infinite hours spent glued to the phone listening to my friend fall in pieces, after all the emergency sleep-overs, bar bashes and group hugs, it comes to this. That I never understood. How could I when all the side I ever saw was the negative one? I never woke up at midnight by a happy phone call from my friend with news of her latest orgasm. I never spend hundreds in bar tabs and cab rides for detailed stories of romantic getaways and dedicated boyfriends. Come to think of it, thank God I did not.
Nice night air. I whoosh in between trees and think about giving up my newfound profession. Based on what I saw, I can’t say girls need somebody to save them from themselves. But the outfit is too cool. And I know that there are girls out there who are still suffering. And I know that my friend will also come to her senses one day.
I think should stay in business. All I need is a flyer.
“Ever felt slighted, hurt and demoralized because of your boyfriend? Ever caught your fiancée singing the national anthem to your best friend? Ever seen your husband try to regift you with a monogrammed compact mirror that does not have your initials?
Keying his car? Erasing his cell phone? Emailing his naked pics to his superviser? No need. Just call CheaterSmiterGirl and you will be vindicated! Guaranteed complete satisfaction or your money back, no questions asked”
Oh yes, and a mask.

March 12, 2008

A night full of taste (NFDP/not for dieting people)

Filed under: NY Life — bletebzz @ 6:56 pm

Julian’s opened a new restaurant. And when Julian opens a new restaurant, you scheme, trade favors and chomp at the bit until you can go. Even if you live in Jersey and work in the Bronx for 60 hours a week, you find the time and the money to pay for three toll bridges, Throgs Neck (because we got lost) Verrazano, and Goethals (on the return drive), bump a too-slow-to-rise toll beam, aimlessly drive through the rain into Staten Island because the GPS is trying to be funny, and then arrive.

But when you arrive, the restorant is full of pleasant waiters, quick bartenders and a smiling Julian that loves nothing better than to create beautiful dishes and make you have a whole new relationship with fish. The Sangria is simply divine. And you do feel that you have arrived.

(more…)

March 4, 2008

reflection mood (rated DWA for Dating Workability Assessment)

Filed under: Uncategorized — bletebzz @ 12:19 am

my friend came fuming from a date. she is upset (duh!) because her suitor had not given her the right name, picture, age, occupation or status. the only thing he probably admitted was his sexual orientation. she lost an evening that could have been spent in far more pleasant company. instead she had to listen to the number of the buildings that he owned, the size of his car and the shameless tirade of a dumb person. why, oh why do people do this to themselves? have they seen too many chick flicks where the main heroine/hero forgives that little oversight (oops i am actually not the same person as the pic i sent you) in under 45 minutes? do they actually think that by the time the object of their virtual affection agrees to meet, they will grow hair, lose a couple of inches, get another job, divorce, extend, and become younger?

well I have got news for them. THIS IS IT. unlike inspirational videos and “Return to Eden” there will be no rebirth, no regrowth, no renewal, no remake. please please please, clue them in and let them know that the bald spot and waist line will grow, but their washboard abs will not. let them enjoy what hair they still have left and get on with dating real women. remember virtual Internet = good, virtual girlfriend = bad, virtual hair and teeth = abominable.

while talking to her, it occurs to me that i haven’t been dating for a while. dunno why. possibly because it has been too cold. or maybe because i have been lazy. or maybe because i have been working a lot. or maybe because i can’t open my msn without an old flame or two lurking in the background. whatever the reason, the fact is that all of a sudden i am feeling the call of the mating. and where do i go when the calling starts? the Internet of course.

(more…)

March 3, 2008

porque belle porque?

Filed under: Uncategorized — bletebzz @ 9:25 pm

everytime i think i am finally safe, another one comes. and here it goes. only for belle. because i owe her coffee. and because she really cares. b 

1 . Cingarosesh ? – Kur pi macja Uthull

2. Ke puthur njeri dy javët e fundit ? – po, po jo me gjuhe, dhe jo konkretisht. dhe jo ne kete realitet, dhe jo zgjuar… e mire nuk kam puthur njeri, kete deshe?

3. Kush qe personi i fundit që të erdh për vizitë? – une vete vizite (moto, gjej dere hapur e futu)

4. Të ka marrë malli për njeri? –Malli me ka marre kaq shume sa ka marre zgjerim me vete me gjithe kalamajt se s’kam ku e mbaj me.

5. Me kë do të luftosh? – Doja te zihesha njehere me veten po nderrova mendje se me rref

6.Të pëlqen njeri? – Naah, C’ne

7.Kënga që po dëgjon? – hound dog by big mama thornton

8.Ç’do bësh nesër? – pune bre

9.Ke parë tofu? – Kam parë e kam peshtyre se nuk ka hic kripe

10.Ke ngrënë ndonjëherë? – Lexo me lart…

11.Do të kthehesh në shkollë të mesme? – Pse jo, me nje pale sutjena te jashtme e nje kondicioner per te qene do kisha bere kerdine

12.E ke parë filmin e Britnit? – E pashe qe me pafte lebaqja me pafte.

13.Ç’bëre dje?- Uleriva me kusherinjte e mi

14.Me kë vozite herën e fundit ? - me ate qe ka voze.

15.Je e lodhur?- gjys per gjys

16.Me kë ishe sot? – Me myself and I.

17.Ku e ke mëmën? – me vete me vete e kam

18.Ç’ngjyrë i ke çorapet? – te zeza me dantella dhe me llastika me frudulla

19. Ç’ngjyrë e ke bluzën? – te bardhe me dantella dhe me llatika me frudulla

20.Cili është vëndi më i bukur ku ke qenë? – Qeparoi

21.A mendon se Barbi është një model negativ për vajzat e vogla? – Poshte Barbi!

22.Sa kohë të duhet për t’u bërë gati për të dalë? – C’eshte koha? Po e dala?

23.Ka anije familja jote? – Ka nje po nuk e perdorim me se i kane rene baterite telekomandes

24.E ke puthur ndonjëherë macen tënde?- Pse ka dale gje videoja ne internet?

25.Ku ishe më 11.09? – Duke flirtuar me shitesin ambulant te kafes,

26.Përshkruaj kompjuterin ku je duke punuar. – Dell, gri me tastiejer te zeze, ekran te gjere e te sheshte, floke te verdha, sy bojeqielli, i gjate, i beshem, ups, per cfare po flisnim?

27.Ke dalë ndonjëherë nga USA? – Kur me lirojne edhe dal

28. SMS-i fundit që more? – mora nje reklame per Penile Erectile Dsfunction.

29.Të ka rënë ndonjëherë në kokë për ndonjë mësues? – Eh, c’na i hap ato plage tani

30. një dëshirë në 11:11? – jo, se kam frike se me realizohet

31.Lente apo syze? – Asnjërën. I kom syckat xhom!

32.Pushimet e ardhshme? – Shqipo, shqipo, shqipo!

33.I bie ndonjë vegle? – muzikore apo?

34.Ke ndonjë vëth gjëkundi? – veshet si cupke e mire qe jam.

35.Personi i fundit që përqafove? – Gjonin dhe Seferin

36.Ç’bëre 24 orët e fundit? – hmm, perqafova gjonin dhe seferin.

37.Kush të ka nevrikosur sot? – askush

38.A shkarkon muzikë? – Oj te shkarkuar! Muzikantet duhet te mendoheshin para se ta benin nje disk $17.00.

39.Ka kënduar njeri për ty? – modestamente…

40.A dashuron njeri? – Nah

41.Ke kërcyer ndonjëherë si kangur? – do te thuash pupthi?

42.Ke pasur ndonjë antfarm? – Koloni milingonash nuk kam pasur se kisha frike mos benin revolucion

43.Të duket se të duan njerëzia? – me duket the? vdesin per mua, vdesin po te them.

44.Ku është vendi më i çuditshëm ku ke fjetur? – poshte tavolines se bilardos.

March 2, 2008

Walk of shame (Rated SL for shameless)

Filed under: Uncategorized — bletebzz @ 10:16 pm

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