Head in the clouds

I should have posted this shameful secret a long time ago. But it is finally out and it is good to confess. Yes, I confuse everybody with everybody, and I can not get my brain to stop rearranging perceptions and memories. I forget birthdays, purses, rings. I regularly lose all credit cards and have their phone numbers on speed dial.  And of course, everytime i clean out a purse I find a long lost credit card or a library card, or a metrocard with 50 cents in it and the like. what am I to do? Once, i left my whole purse in the snow, only to have it returned by a very scary biker with a mullet one hour later.

Subway Story

I was in the subway the other day. It was not so packed that people could not avoid resting on each-others butts, but it was packed enough that a casual butt brush would be entirely justifiable if not forgivable.

I was sitting down, and there was a man standing, a cane in his hand and his pinkie extended to as long as it could reach. it was one of those bejeweled pinkies with a very long nail, bluntly cut and strangely considered a sign of a Hombre Verdadero, by the machologists of the world. They probably have a convention or something every year, and maybe publish a Macho’s World weekly where they state that grown yellow nail on little pinkie, thick gold chain caught in curly graying neck hair, receding brilled hair and a tendency to leer are the signs of a true man.

New Event, Mother’s Day with AAWO

Blues

Once there was a beautiful cabbage

Grew big in the garden of my neighbor

Superior to all flowers in the nearby beds

It could even stare the plum trees down

Birds circled around every day

Mesmerized, not even remembering to peck

Thankful to be allowed the sight of the glowing cabbage

The ground was proud too

For its juices had fed a miracle

Once there was a beautiful cabbage

Which became a perfect dinner

For a guest who never showed up

Two days passed,

The smell was horrible yes.

But the garbage pail carefully embraced the remains

And both lived happily ever after.

I still look at the empty chair.

Mischief (Find the author of this one)

I found this poem in one of  Peshku’s Comments and could not resist trying my hand to it, no pun intended. We have had such a squeaky clean image of our literature served, that is actually a wonder to find such a saucy little poem in our otherwise proper Renaissance writers (hint, hint)

It is also in Mamadhia’s blog so that should make your guessing even easier

Remember that suggestions are always appreciated and will contribute to the final version.

Enjoy! 

Work in progress

Here is another translation, this one a bit more difficult. Albo-English speakers, please give your suggestions on how faithful the translation is and how it flows. Check out Postings for the Albanian version.

English speakers only, please give me an idea of whether this flows well in English and please learn Albanian. It is good for your brain. LOL.

Sister’s Saturday

by Ervin Hatibi

This Saturday

Love opened her gauzy chemise

The buttons rattled on the ground

We delved to bite her enamel breasts

We panted, not sure that we really wanted this

Some kisses with echoes of alcohol

How do you like your chicken wings? (or boys better behave)

Housewife Convicted of Frying Husband

By STAN LEHMAN

AP

SAO PAULO, Brazil (March 23) – A Brazilian housewife was convicted and sentenced to 19 years in prison Friday for killing her husband, chopping his body into small pieces and frying it. Rosanita Nery dos Santos, 52, drugged her husband in his sleep, then stabbed him to death two years ago in Salvador, about 900 miles northeast of Sao Paulo, said police spokesman Idmar Bonfim.

She then hacked Jose Raimundo Soares dos Santos’ body into more than 100 pieces, which she boiled and fried before hiding in plastic bags beneath a staircase in her house, Bonfim said. He said police discovered the body parts after receiving an anonymous phone call.

Bonfim said the killing was either part of a black magic ritual or an attempt by the wife to collect life insurance worth about $34,000.

Citing testimony from the woman’s relatives, he said she may also have committed the crime “to avenge many years of humiliation from her husband.” He did not provide further details.

Buke Misri me Djathe is coming back in NY

I first heard about this show some time back, but I never got to see it. I am glad it is coming back and I will definitely see it this time.  It is high time for A Big Fat Albanian Wedding phenomenon.

buk-djath.pdf

Paging roasted chickens

My phone rings.

“Hey honey, where have you been hiding? How come I can never get you?”

Moot point, since she already got me several times already. I mumble something resembling an answer without actually being one.

“Hey listen when can I come by with the luggage?”

“What luggage?”

“The one for your mom to take to Albania”

One whole luggage? I flash back to the open clothes, some still in shopping bags, some in luggages, some in the carryons, that my mother has been fighting with since the month started. She bought bags, shoes, advil, tylenol, rolaids, tums, black shoes for grandma, running shoes for brother, candies for the kiddies, suits for my aunts, underwear, hemorroid cream, 99cent perfume, etc. For all i know, she singlehandedly saved National Liquidators from chapter 11. And my dad’s clothes are going in one single carryon.

Reality show

I sat down today fully intending to write about a time honored public transportation rite of passage: coping a feel.

Then I saw my blog statistics. It is undoubtly the largest audience I have had so far, and I owe it all to the innocent flirting on one of the postings.

I give you people art, I give you people information, a piece of my wondrous and genius mind, and all you dirty minded naughty voyeurs are interested in, is the flirting. Cool.

I feel like I just starred in my own reality show. (How could Britney do it?) In a way it helps, because it makes it easier to write in the future about upcoming OB/GYN appointments, old perverts and embarrasing bathroom incidents.

It also shows that you have your priorities straight. I congratulate you, and I give thanks to the universe for all the cute little pervos that follow me around.

Stay tuned for upcoming attractions.

Bletebzz