Tips for Surviving in the Subway

Riding the subway today, like any other day,  I notice some of the unconscious gestures I do everyday, just like the other zombie riders who are sleeping on their feet like horses.

I buy a coffee and bagel and start my way down the stairs and into the station.

1. Never wait for the crowd to trickle out before you go down the stairs. This being New York, it never will and you would have lost precious minutes and gotten frustated. Not to mention the crazy riders sneering at you like the country bumkin you are. Instead, glide thru, using the right side of the stairs and bumping into people as they come along.  They WILL open a path for you, trust me.

2. Slide the card on the turnstile, not too fast, not too slow. Otherwise the turnstile will have fun with you for a really long time. If turnstiles were people they would be the last to be invited to parties, right after tax auditors.

3. Never ask for a train timetable. You trust in God and in MTA and there is no holier gospel in NYC.

4. If you HAVE TO ASK FOR DIRECTIONS, be on the guard for any little gesture from the answerer, a grunt, a flick of the eyelash, a movement of the lip, a pointing of the chin. Consider yourself lucky if people answer with words, and buy a lottery ticket if you get a full sentence, especially from conductors.

Fun Event-Koncert Argetues

This is an announcement for a fun event with a very well known Albanian artist, brought to Peshku pa Uje by Bana. To get further information please call: 917-351-1213

Do te doja te lajmeroja komunitetin shqiptare ne USA per nje koncert benefit per legjendat shqiptare Vace Zela e Nexhmije Pagarusha . Fotografi i njohur shqiptar, Fadil Berisha, organizon kete koncert , te dielen, me daten 4 mars 2007 ne oren 8:00pm ne klubin 230 Fifth qe ndodhet ne Manhattan. Kengetarja e talentuar Aurela Gace ne bashkpunim me formacionin “Alba” te drejtuar nga Edmond Xhani sjellin kenget te mrekullueshme qe dikur i kemi degjuar te kenduara nga Vace Zela e Nexhmije Pagarusha. Koncerti do te drejtohet nga Tefta Radi.
Ejani e merrni pjese ne kete nate nostalgjike…
Per informacione te metejshme mund te telefononi ne 917-351-1213

While I wait for Inspiration…

New Job

‘ No Shleeeeep! No Shleeep!’

The cry startled me so much that I jumped my hot coffee straight into the pants of my brand new employer Dr. Testadura. His face turned red and his pants turned a deep brown where the coffee splashed.

“I am so… so sorry, sir, – I stammered, grabbed a whole bunch of napkins and started to pat him dry.

“Miss Miller, what do you think you are doing?’ the good doctor asked, one split second before I realized I was rubbing his crotch. I froze then I took my hands off immediately. My cheeks were aflame and my mouth was dry.

‘I am going to get cleaned up before the meeting with the Vasoroffs. Try not to do any more harm, ok?’

‘Yes, doctor.’ I murmured.

‘And I need you in my office after you are done with settling in the patients’

‘Yes doctor’ I murmured again and went to throw away the damp napkins.

Walking behind a real woman

Strong short thighs and sturdy square heels,

She walks undaunted with her head up high

Permed dark hair with gray roots, frozen to the hilt

Her arms shake to the rhythm of the street

One wields a big brown bag

The other a beige umbrella

I imagine the children that proud body held

And the whole world plays on that muscular back

I bow for I will never be

This rough wonder of nature

Excellent translation provided by memo meto:

Albanian Weddings for Dummies

The first thing to do when invited to an Albanian Wedding is to stock up on cash: singles, fives, tens or whatever the currency is at the country the wedding is taking place. This is for the traditional bride-groom dance where all the family and guests go to the dancing couple and give them money, or attach them to the groom’s forehead and his pockets, bride’s hands, or if they are daring or drunk, down her dress. Then the father or a rich cousin usually, “showers” them with money, throwing them over their heads.
It is not the young couple that will benefit from this show, but the band. Years ago, the “throwing money” part was a custom of weddings on mid Albania only, but the bands made it popular with other regions as well. They liked the money so the custom was incorporated into most weddings throughout the country. Years ago, there was only one traditional bride-groom dance as well, but that is also changing, with the band striking up the wedding tune “Napoleon” anytime they feel they need more money.

Reworked (but it is not my final answer)

She’s washed the last glasses, the plates,
The forks, bachelors of aluminum
On the elbows like a pensive phalanx
Trickling are
The bubbles of the greasy froth

Each time the keys rattle in the dark
She feels as if she’s still closing
The alehouse shutters
A plate, that often broke to her when washed
The moon chips over the mountain
Where the shepherds sleep
And the sheep dressed as shepherds
She sleeps now within
Right inside the shriek
Of the key in its hole
This bat that if it had eyes
Would have cried

kujtimet e vegjelise (childhood memories)

Me duket e pershtatshme qe ta titulloj keshtu belane qe na hapi Eni (jo se nuk me pelqen te flas per veten) meqe disa nga kujtimet e mia te vegjelise lidhen pazgjithshmerisht me xhaxhin qe na e mori te keqen kete dite.

red wine land (no reading when sobersss mmm wine)

man such a pretty good red wine. the blood of the christ. did i ever say white wine is for wussies? who knows what veins it came from?

there is one beautiful bottle left which i pry away from the protective knee of my eternal crush. at the moment, i am very happpy to see the wine bottle.  you know, my lips are black, my tongue is totally moldy and burning and my teeth are shot. but i need another glass of wine. man i am not such a good muslim woman after all.

The goat charmer (or an exercise in romance writting)

I have often been compared to a wild goat. For those unversed in the Southern Albo granny language, it means that I am a strongheaded stubborn woman, who, like a wild goat, will jump from cliff to cliff, and willl not settle down for a nice sheep Albo boy, at a piece of a sunny mountain side.

How did I turn into a goat? I do not know. What I know is that goats are hairy, smelly and with beards, but there the similiarities end. To prove to the grannies that I am God’s beautiful meek sheep, and not some wild harridan smelly she goat that does not like to be milked or be part of the herd, I went to find my charmer. Anyway, it is the jorney that matters, not the horned ram in the end. Or that is what I was taught to think in case it did not work out.

Event (for the NY Hussies)

My friend ER, send this to me. It sounds very interesting, and it is good to support artists that we like. 

Love to see you there

Blete

Return/-Departure This Sunday the Abingdon Theater hosts Return-/Departure, a preview of video work from Kosovo and Albania.

The works, produced by Driton Hajredini, Alban Muja, Nikolin Bujari, and Alban Hajdinaj, engage the conditions of inherited context and periphery through structures of religion, sex, vandalism, and WWF Wrestling.

Please join independent curator Chris Reitz (New York) in conversation with artist Driton Hajredini (Kosovo) after the screening for drinks and some light Q&A.

Doors open at 7:30, screening starts at 8.

Sunday, February 18th 8 PM

Abingdon Theatre 312 west 36th just west of 8th Ave